Survivor Caramoan Episode 6 Recap: Warm Glass of Shut the Hell Up!

Because of the impromptu tribal council from last week this weeks episode has a very unusual beginning in that it doesn't begin at night.  It focuses on the immediate aftermath of Brandon's meltdown with the "favorites" returning from the daytime tribal.  It is enhanced with some dramatic music that's WAAAAAY over the top.  Makes me long for the old days when Survivor was so much simpler and BETTER.
Phillip then explains how Brandon needs professional help.  Can't argue with the Specialist on that but I do have say that's like the Pot calling the Kettle black!  In any event, for reasons that aren't really clear, Phillip has set his sights on Corrine to be voted out next.  Most of the fans on the other hand are thinking one psycho down, one to go.
At the reward challenge Probst checks in with the tribes and Matt starts kissing Phillip's ass, saying how sorry he feels for him.  No need to feel bad for Phillip, because he couldn't be happier with Brandon gone.  On to the challenge!  The object is to squash a paint filled egg against your body then place yourself on the mat with that same color.  Winner gets a bag of rice!  What do you know?  It's a tie!
Actually it's a tribal shuffle.  Malcolm, Erik, Brenda, and Andrea move to Gota while bosom buddies Matt and Michael go to Bikal along with Julia.  The fans were in a pretty bad spot before this, after losing all but one challenge so far, and being outnumbered by two players, but this configuration would seem to make things even worse for them.  They are now outnumbered four to three on both tribes, so no matter who wins immunity the fans have the short end of the stick.  Matt sees this and wastes no time in sucking up to the favorites he's been placed with.
It would seem the Bikal fans have the most to worry about.  The Bikal tribe is now severely outmatched.  They have four of the the five oldest cast members AND John Cochran!  I said recently that Sherri was in hot water and I think she's probably benefited the most from the shakeup.  Yes, she's separated from her alliance but she's also on a very strong tribe that's not likely to being going to tribal, unless of course the challenge involves having a team member who can score highest on the bar exam.  She could also portray Eddie and Reynold as big physical threats to the "favorites".  Of course, unbeknownst to Sherri, Reynold still has his idol which could be good news for him.
One thing I find interesting about this configuration is that both tribes are now evenly numbered where as prior to the switch Bikal had a two person advantage.  I don't really like when Survivor does this.  I say if they're going to do a tribal swap the numbers of each tribe should remain the same.
I actually wondered if it was calculated to have four "favorites" on each tribe and that maybe each bowl of eggs was evenly divided but after re-watching the episode it appears as though the fans were give the opportunity to choose from different bowls.  I still wouldn't be surprised if it was somehow rigged.
Over at Gota, Erik continues to demonstrate just how deeply scarred he was by his self imposed blindsiding in Micronesia after expressing strong paranoia from Reynold and Eddie spilling the beans about Sherri's alliance, who is working on the girls to get rid of Reynold.  Meanwhile Andrea demonstrates her psychic ability by revealing to Malcolm that she dreamed he had the idol.  Malcolm denies this and proudly boasts about his proficiency at deceiving the opposite sex.
At Bikal, Phillip immediately goes to work on Julia so the "favorites" will have the numbers to vote out the fans.  He tells this to Corrine who is perplexed because she apparently knows what Phillip doesn't and that being that four is a larger number than three and they already have the numbers!  She tells Dawn who in her usual overly dramatic self almost spins her head off upon hearing the news.  Actually though, I think Dawn probably misunderstood Corrine and thought she was saying that Phillip was talking to Julia about himself flipping over to the fans.  Corrine tells Dawn Phillip needs to drink a warm glass of shut the hell up!  At least she didn't bash his dead grandfather that he loves so much.  She does however suggest in a confessional that if he's a special agent then that might explain why America is in the shape that's it's in, which might not be too far off.
Phillip passes on the glass of shut the hell up and goes to work on bosom buddies.  Actually it's more like they go groveling to him and he is more then happy to play the part of strategic mastermind.  He tells them that they can try out for stealth r us and the test is whether they follow orders from his second in command, but he won't divulge who that is.  This is confusing since his second in command is over on the other tribe. 
Julia actually does something and goes to work on Michael.  He assures her that he loves being on his new tribe.  Maybe that's why the fans kept losing if he likes being outnumbered so much. 
The happiest person on Bikal is Corrine due to the fact she now has a queen to hang around with.  She can't stop talking about how much she loves gays, even though she had no problem voting out Francesca.  However, she isn't going to flip to them because she's not an idiot.  Now all she has to do is make sure expert flipper John doesn't jump over to the fans. 
Last week when Brandon had his meltdown it left a burning question to Survivor fans everywhere.  Would they reuse the "boxing" challenge that they didn't get to use last week?  Well the answer is YES!
It a redo of a challenge from Heroe's Vs Villains where they must retrieve huge boxes and combine them in a stairway shape to spell out "Fans Vs Favorites"!  Of course now that the tribes have been mixed up perhaps the producers should of repainted the boxes to read "Gota Vs Bikal".
Although it's mostly a challenge of strength, Bikal still has a chance at winning, provided that Reynold, Eddie, and Malcolm are all struck by a bolt of lightning during the challenge.  Predictably this does not happen and at one point Probst accuses Bikal of moving like they're on medication.  Zing!  In the end, Gota completely massacres Bikal and Phillip continues to mumble out being forced to go out of order.
After the challenge we see Phillip talking about how he's not ready to take out Corrine and is sticking with the plan to take out the fans.  This makes me think that maybe Phillip is going home tonight.  But back at camp Corrine is also prepared to play the waiting game.  Then faster then you can say "John Cochran" Matt and Michael turn on Julia.  Apparently in unseen footage Julia has earned the stealth r us code name "the girl" by Phillip.  But she must of upset Phillip somehow because he is telling bosom buddies that he wants to vote out "the girl".  All kidding aside I do wonder what happened to the deal she made with Phillip because she's going to bosom buddies and suggesting they vote out Dawn.  They pretend to go along, secure in the knowledge that she's on the hot seat and they are safe, the "favorites" however have other plans. 
John decides Matt and Michael are too dangerous to keep together.  He also smells the desperation in Matt and realizes he doesn't have the idol so he gets the rest of the tribe to target him.  Wow!  Maybe John's not as dumb as he looks... or sounds... or acts!  This is actually pretty good thinking in my opinion.
If the fans were smart they would of stuck together to target John.  They could of made a case that he can't be trusted due to his history of flipping.  I'm not saying it would of worked but it would of given them better odds than turning on each other.
However, we know Matt's fate is sealed when we see Corrine right before tribal talking about how she loves Matt and Michael and wants to vote out Julia because she hasn't said two words to her the whole time.  Don't feel bad Corrine, we audience members watching at home feel the exact same way.
To avoid being blindsided by an idol the "favorites" don't tell the fans who they're voting for.  So Julia votes for Dawn, bosom buddies vote for Julia and the "favorites" actually play it smart and all vote for Matt.  Good riddance I say.  Not since Coach has there been a player more full of shit than Matt and this is what he gets for constantly waffling.  He did it with the cool kids, then with his own alliance, and again over at Bikal. 
Pretty good episode all in all but again I would of liked to of heard more from Brenda.  If you go to the Survivor website at cbs.com you can see some pretty good confessionals by her, but you can't complain too much when you're able to get through and entire episode without being subjected to Dawn's famous crocodile tears!

Click HERE for a good confessional by Brenda.

NEXT WEEK ON SURVIVOR! Sherri will finally get to sit out a challenge and I'm guessing Julia is going to have to face the wraith of Phillip for going against the "favorites".  Malcolm's looking mighty cocky in the previews so could he be in danger?

Survivor Caramoan Episode 5 Recap: Lil Hantz Has BIG Meltdown!

What an episode!  Survivor has seen it's fair share of psychopathic meltdowns over the years.  Ghandia from Thailand, Fairplay from Pearl Islands, Shane from Exile Island, Dreamz from Figi, James from Heroes Vs Villains, Phillip from Redemption Island, Russell Swan from last seasons Phillipines, and this seasons Shamar.  Well a new member has joined this elite group and this one tops them all!  Who could it be you ask?  Hold on to your hats, but that person is..... drum roll..... CRAZY BRANDON HANTZ!
Now when he first appeared on Survivor, Crazy Brandon Hantz claimed he wanted to redeem the Hantz name after his uncle Russell brought complete disgrace to it over the course of three seasons of Survivor.  Well, after tonight's episode I think it's safe to say the whole world knows what Hantz's are really made of.  COMPLETE LUNATICS!  It also proves once and for all that anyone who admires anyone in this family must themselves have a couple screws loose.
After seeing last weeks preview watching this weeks episode was full of tension, just waiting to see Brandon snap, which has been building up since the first 10 minutes of the first episode.  At first he tells everyone that he wants out of the game because he misses his family and volunteers to be voted off next tribal council.  Then through an act of extreme maturity and wisdom, that those Hantz's are so famous for, he confesses his former desires to burn down the camp, and flavor the rice and beans with his urine.  He apologizes for this so I guess he's realized the errors of his ways.  Yeah right, and then monkey's will fly out of my butt.  I believe he did this thinking the tribe would embrace him for his honesty, another testament of Brandon's lunacy.  Of course it just scares the crap out of them and rightly so.  I'm sure the fact that Brandon has a knife in his hand during most of the episode doesn't help matters either.  Except for Andrea who allows Brandon to stick his face in her crotch after this, so you never know.
Before the next comercial break Brandon has already gone through a personality change and declares that he is going to start playing the game at an all new level.  He also promises us that we'll see the most intense Brandon Hantz ever.  This is not incorrect.
Both tribes meet at the reward challenge to compete for steaks and wine.  It's another good challenge that has two members of each tribe holding on to a rope connected to big hanging basket nets that the other tribe must fill with coconuts.  The last tribe to have their net still hanging wins.  The fans wisely include John so they can sit him out at the immunity challenge and sit out Erik, Andrea, and Dawn.  Brandon and Phillip are the "favorites" rope holders while bosom buddies Matt and Micheal hold for the fans.
During the challenge Phillip employs a pretty wild but effective strategy of distracting the fans with some kind of bizarre African tribal chants every time they attempt to shoot a basket.  However once again it's very close thanks once again in large part to Reynold.
Mr. Gung Ho intense playing Lil Hantz is the first one to let go of his ropes but Phillip continues to hang tough AND talk plenty of trash.  Even John manages to sink a few baskets and Matt is the next one to fall out of the challenge.  Guess all that ink covering Brandon and Matt's bodies has weakened their muscles because they're outlasted by a delusional dinosaur and a four eyed queen.
It's a nail biter with Phillip doing a lot of shaking, although he denies he's struggling when Probst makes that suggestion, but the redness in Micheal's face makes it obvious that the fans will lose another one.  Inevitably Micheal loses his grip and even with John participating and Laura not a factor, the fans still can't beat the "favorites".
Probst announces the "favorites" victory.  Reynold then pulls a Shamar, and doesn't realize that he's not a returning player.  He then proceeds to give his entire tribe victorious high fives.  Speaking of Shamar I have to say this is one challenge they could of really used his bulk on.  Had he still been in the game the fans would of surely of won this challenge.  Nothing seems to go right for the fans.
This just goes to show how valuable reward items can be to morale and team strength.  For crying out loud, the "favorites" have fucking John Cochran on their tribe!  But they can't lose because they have all the rewards so far which leads to a much better camp life.
At the fans camp everyone starts scrambling for the idol that was surely put back into circulation after Reynold played it last tribal council.  Do they even bother making clues anymore?  The majority alliance really wants to keep Reynold from getting his hands on it again.  Even Julia is searching for the idol.
During the search we find out that Micheal and Matt have become such great buddies that evidently Micheal has persuaded Matt into leaving the BMX bicycle business and join him in becoming an "event planner" because that's what Matt's occupation is listed as during his idol searching confessional.

Ultimately Reynold once again finds the idol.  Instead of using it for leverage he decides to keep it a secret to everyone except Eddie.  He suggests he may as well play them every time he goes to tribal since he's able to find them so easily.  I think this is a mistake.  If I were Reynold I would go to Matt and Micheal and try to work out a deal to form a new alliance.  Which, is what he should of done last week, and the week before with Laura.
It's amazing how clueless these alleged fans really are of the game. We are also finally given an indication of Sherri's aggressiveness that I reported last week when Eddie lets us know that she had been searching for the idol since day 1.  Micheal also discloses this so we now have solid proof that she hasn't been as covert as the editing has suggested.  To Eddie's delight he watches Sherri comb the beach feverishly in search of the idol that is already in Reynold's possession.
At the "favorites" camp Brandon starts getting really annoyed and jealous over all the credit Phillip is getting for winning the challenge.  He takes the first opportunity he can to pick a fight with Phillip and ends up telling him to "shut the fuck up".  It took a lot less then that from Steve on Redemption Island for Phillip to start talking about his Jit Kun Jo skills, but with Lil Hantz, Phillip backs down.  Poor Phillip.  It's not everyday he runs into somebody who is even more insane than he is.  I'm pretty sure a lot of cast members from Phillip's last season are enjoying seeing him get a taste of his own medicine.  Especially Ashley and Steve.
At the fans camp the rain is beating down on the them pretty hard.  Matt has apparently changed his mind about being an "event planner" and is back to selling BMX bikes.  They are absolutely miserable and praying for a miracle.  Well, good news fans, God is listening and has sent you a miracle in the form of Crazy Brandon Hantz!

Brandon goes through yet another personality challenge within this episode and starts regretting his outburst.  He apologizes to Phillip but Phillip can't let it go.  The tension continues to build until he starts to contemplate doing the same strategic move that Zapatera did so successfully against him and his tribe on RI and throw the challenge so he can get rid of Brandon.  I'm pretty sure that throwing a challenge isn't one of the BR rules.  If Phillip had actually learned from Boston Rob he would of done what Rob did with him and used Brandon as a goat to ride to the end.
Instead, Phillip expresses his desires of throwing the immunity challenge to his alleged ally Andrea.  Andrea however drops the dime on Phillip to Brandon.  At this point I'm fairly certain Andrea has the hots for Brandon.  She's sticking her crotch in his face, enlisting him into the alliance to oust Corrine, playing with her hair when he talks, and now she's trying her best to keep this clearly unstable individual in the game and I don't think she's trying to make Brandon her Phillip since she already has a Phillip.
So Brandon confronts Phillip yet again and this time Phillip pushes CBH over the edge.  Then in a meltdown of truly epic proportions CBH dumps out the camps rice and beans.  He then proudly proclaims that he's "the author of his own fate".  Quite a shift from his assertion on South Pacific that we puny humans have no free will and God is the author of all our fates.
I'm not surprised that Phillip runs away from this but I'm pretty disappointed in Malcolm.  I can't believe he just watched Brandon do all this.  Malcolm is like 6'3" and Brandon is like 5 foot nothing.  I was fully expecting Malcolm to either be absent during this meltdown or to break Brandon into a million fucking pieces after this.  But only skinny Erik has the balls to try to stop Brandon.
So now the whole camp is in complete shock and it's clear that this will be the last we ever see of Brandon with the possible exception of the reunion.  At this point everyone wants Brandon out and no tribe has every wanted to go to tribal so badly.  But the fireworks aren't over yet!

At the immunity challenge the "favorites" march in with disbelief still present all over their faces.  I would of loved to have been a fly on the Bikal flag as they were making the hike to the challenge area.  The two tribes take their places on the mats at which point Probst checks in with the two tribes.  Firstly we hear Reynold do a lot of whining about the conditions of their situation.  Then Brandon steps off his mat and offers some words of encouragement to the fans.  He lets them know he's their second chance.  Reynold asks what the hell he's talking about.  Then Corrine gives a speech she clearly spent hours preparing and announces that her tribe wants to give immunity to the fans.  The fans are shocked but clearly over joyed by this.
Brandon continues his journey into the abyss of total madness and continues ranting about Phillip.  Probst calls Brandon over to him before things get out of control.  He tries to calm Brandon down but is unsuccessful.  He and Phillip exchange heated words and Brenda makes the extremely astute observation that Brandon's having a "meltdown".  No shit Sherlock.  I love you Brenda but I would of thought that that would of been obvious after Brandon dumped out your entire food supply.  Then Andrea starts crying over the whole situation.  Yeah, she definitely wants Brandon's dick.  Why do so many cute young girls always drool over the bad boy?
Brandon tells Probst he'll do him the extremely generous gesture of remaining non violent for him but when Phillip talks about Brandon disrespecting his elders and brings up his family Brandon really starts to huff and puff.  "Bring my kids into this and I'll come over their and knock your fucking head off!" he says.
In Brandon's defense I have to say that Brandon did not say anything disrespectful to his uncle at the reunion like Phillip accuses him of doing.  Also Phillip really shouldn't be throwing rocks in glass houses.  He's the one that bullied and scared the shit out of the cute little girls on his tribe the last time he played.  Also Brandon DID try to apologize to Phillip, so Phillip certainly isn't completely innocent in this whole mess.
I think it's around this point that Probst starts to administer an intense back massage to Brandon.  Soon after this we see a survivor first, when Probst announces that they will be holding tribal council immediately at the challenge site!  He instructs Erik to hand over the idol to the fans which they gladly take.  At which point Reynold makes the ridiculous request for Probst to throw up his hands and proclaim the fans victorious.  Probst has a dumbfounded look on his face from such an inappropriate request but tells him he'll do it on their way out, which he never does.
Still massaging Brandon's shoulders Probst calls for a vote starting with Brandon who predictably shouts out Phillips name.  He then goes through the "favorites" one by one asking for their votes and they also predictably all vote for Crazy Brandon Hants.  Probst finally stops massaging Brandon and instructs him to walk to the back of the challenge and cool down.  Brandon takes one more shot at Phillip on his way out and calls him a bitch.  He also tells the fans to kick the "favorites" asses.  In this reporters opinion this is a true case of human garbage.  Good riddance I say.  I really hope this is last we'll see of the Hantz's on Survivor but deep down inside I know that the producer's are loving this little episode and I have to admit it did make for some pretty good tv.  Another good thing about this episode is that we were not subjected to a single confessional from the demented mind of John Cochran.
I do have to say, if I were one of the favorites I would demand that the producers replace the rice this psycho destroyed.  I would tell them if they did not replace it I would quit the game and sue CBS because they should of never allowed such a psychopath on the island.  Anyone who watched South Pacific knows Brandon wasn't playing with a full deck.

UPDATE:
I heard in an interview that Brandon is very proud of his behavior on this weeks episode.  I also hear that at the rip old age of 22 he's expecting his THIRD child!  Also, he said that Uncle Russel was never prouder than he was after this weeks episode.  I think that just about makes it official that that family is completely INSANE!
NEXT WEEK ON SURVIVOR! Looks like it's time for a tribal shuffle and/or a double tribal council.  Will Reynold use his idol effectively this time?  Doubtful, but only time will tell!

Survivor Meets The Biggest Loser!

This season has seen one of the biggest contestants in Survivor history, that being the humongous Shamar!  Shamar's presence in the game has caused a lot of controversy.  One in paticular is his massive size and the debate on weather it was an asset or liability.  Shamar claims it was a huge hindrance because his portions of rice were much smaller in proportion to his big frame compared to say Laura.  He even went so far as to refuse to get up out of the shelter at meal time and demanded his share be brought to him because he was so exhausted.
I was listening to a podcast Dalton Ross did with Shamar and although he's not big fan of Shamar Ross seemed to side with him on this point.  He argued that if you're as big as Shamar you're going to need more nourishment to fuel your huge body.  While that kind of makes sense I think Shamar's huge reserves of body fat were much more of an asset.  Who can forget fat ass Richard Hatch bragging how he wasn't even hungry in All Stars compared to the skinny people who he predicted would be dropping like flies from hunger.  I personally feel Shamar was just a big baby.
That's why I think we should settle this once an for all by crossing Survivor with The Biggest Loser!  We've seen seasons of men vs women, young vs old, even racially segregated tribes!  So I think it's time we have a season with one tribe of thin people vs another tribe of really fat people.  I think the thin people might do well at first but after a couple days of not eating I think the fat tribe would really start to dominate from being able to live off of their own body fat. 

Survivor Caramoan 26e04: Survivor: The Sitcom!

Pop quiz hotshot!  What's the funniest show on CBS?  Two and a Half Men?  Mike and Molly?  Two Broke Girls?  Well this week the funniest show happens to be Survivor which had plenty of comic relief thanks in large part to screwballs like Phillip and Shamar.
The episode starts off with Eddy losing it from his frustration of the fans performance.  He gets in Sherri's face who bites right back.  Eddy then warns them they won't win any challenges if he and Reynold are voted off.  This to me this is not a very good argument and a sign of Eddy's immaturity.  As Micheal states, they haven't been winning challenges with them.  Also, the merge typically comes after 6 immunity challenges.  There have already been 3 which means there are in all likelihood only 3 left, which means there would only be at the most 1 left before the merge if they were to vote off Eddy and Reynold.  So if they can't help them win within the next 3 times what good are they?
You may be saying to yourselves that the pretty people did this to themselves with their own stupidity of trying to be a dominating alliance of four within a tribe of ten, but I've learned from post game interviews that looks can be deceiving.  It turns out that Matt was initially in their alliance but flipped over before they went to tribal the first time.
At the "favorites" camp Phillip continues to strategize taking a page out of Napoleon Bonaparte's playbook.  Now in a tribe of 9 most people would be happy with a 5 or even 6 person alliance.  But "The Specialiast"?  Is he happy with 6, or 7? Or 8?  No siree, he decides he needs an alliance of 9 within a tribe of 9!  Phillip does what no other person in Survivor history has ever done.  He makes an alliance with everybody AND lets everyone know it!
First he promotes Crazy Brandon Hantz and dubs him "The Conqueror"!  He then goes to Erik and gives him the very flattering title of "The Silent One"!  This really annoys Andrea who complains that Phillip has recruited everyone into Stealth R Us except for Brenda.  Then moments later Phillip does just that and enlists Brenda dubbing her "Serenity"!  So I guess the next time they go to tribal council they're all going to have to vote for Francesca again!
Now it's time to go to the reward/immunity challenge!  Wait!  What?  THEY'RE ACTUALLY HAVING A REWARD CHALLENGE THAT'S COMPLETELY SEPARATE FROM THE IMMUNITY CHALLENGE?!  Well bless my soul, two challenges in one episode!?  I never thought I'd see the day again!
The challenge is a great old classic too!  They must maneuver two tribe mates across the water with them stepping on small planks that are held by other tribe members until they reach a certain platform that they must all climb over to get to ANOTHER platform and all eight members must fixate themselves on or above the platform.  The fans move Julia? and Laura while the "favorites" move Andrea and Brenda.  It's always nice to see her sexy bod featured in a challenge.

Like every other challenge this season it's neck and neck the entire time.  To my surprise Shamar actually volunteers the unselfish move of kneeling on the platform and letting everyone climb on top of him.  It comes down to Corrine and Matt and once again the "favorites" are victorious by a nose.  At which point Probst announces "Favorites win reward!"
Unfortunately Shamar forgets that he's not a returning player and bellows a victorious roar of "that's what I'm talking about!"  After Shamar is given the bad news that he's a "FAN" and not a "FAVORITE" Phillip starts mocking Shamar and roaring "That's what WE'RE talking about!"
Who knows?  Maybe there actually is some method to Phillip's madness and uniting the tribe by giving them all code-names is actually making them stronger in challenges.  Then again, maybe the fans just suck.
The reward is a visit from a local pigmee named TaTa who shows the tribe the most efficient ways to maximize the benefits of their camp environment.  John gets jealous by all the attention the girls give TaTa and contemplates how if he were to display as much PDA with the girls he would be seen as some creepy weirdo.  Sorry to break the news to you John but that evaluation was made long ago on South Pacific when you talked about things like prank calling girls offering your semen and crapping your pants in school.
The comic relief isn't over yet.  Back at the fans tribe Shamar announces that the price of him not quitting is being waited on at meal time, because it's way too inconvenient for him to get off his ass and walk 10 feet over to the cooking pot to get his share.  To my shock the tribe agrees, albeit very reluctantly.  I've never seen anything like this on Survivor!  Makes me sick to my stomach actually.  I've been dying to be on this show for over 10 years, I've applied twice, yet they put some infantile jar head on, who blackmails his tribe into waiting on him.  How disgraceful!  Then next thing you know he'll be demanding a piss pot for Sherri to hold so he doesn't have to make the trip to the bushes.
Well the tribe may be willing to put up with Shamar's crap but the gods of karma have other ideas.  THEY have had it with Shamar and while he's relaxing in the shelter something gets in his eye that causes an injury.  I don't see anyone offer to wash it out with some water and it just keeps getting worse.  Medical is called in and it turns out Shamar's not being such a big baby this time.  It is a serious injury and they pull him from the game to get treatment.  The tribe tries to be polite and look sorry he's leaving, even Reynold, but we all know that no one is going to miss his personality, myself included.
At the beginning of the immunity challenge Probst tells the "favorites" to take a look at the new fan tribe.  Alleged survivor superfan Dawn is shocked and can't figure out how that can be.  She's such a big fan of the show she doesn't know that the possibility of people being medically pulled or quitting exists within the game of Survivor. 
Unlike the last challenge this one is NOT neck and neck.  Even with John participating the fans get lapped by the "favorites" during the first leg of the challenge although John isn't involved in that section.  All he has to do is use the keys that five others retrieved from the water, to open a chest full of balls that Phillip must use to knock over a bunch of blocks on a ledge.  Phillip does a good job but Reynold does even better when he finally gets his ahem, balls.  At this point it does become very close but Phillip manages to just barely finish ahead of Reynold.  So Stealth R Us has prevailed once again and the fans have lost their fourth challenge in a row!
Even though Eddy and Reynold are on the outs Matt is fed up with Laura's poor performance at the challenges and makes a plea to get rid of her.  Sherri certainly doesn't like this because she knows she could be the next target if they're trying to weed out the weak.  Reynold also isn't sure if he can trust Matt.  Micheal is also on the fence.  If I were Reynold and Eddy I would be going to Micheal and Matt and just offer them a new permanent alliance with them.  Which is what they should of done with Laura and Julia? last week.  Reynold has an idle, their tribal configuration isn't working at all for them so it shouldn't be that hard to get them to flip.
In the end everyone turns on Laura, even Sherri.  They don't let Reynold know this so he plays his idol to be safe.  Obviously this was a bad move, but I think it was bad for more reasons then Reynold's little brain could even contemplate.  While you could make the argument that Reynold found the first idol pretty easily and he could probably find another one, he is such a great asset at challenges that I don't think the tribe would of ever of voted him off before Eddy.
So now it looks like Sherri is in hot water if they lose again.  While it may appear that she's been covertly controlling the tribe, I've learned from post game interviews that this was not the case.  Apparently as soon as the got to the camp sight Sherri went running around to every person on the tribe and started talking strategy and it didn't go unnoticed.  So she's got a lot of tap dancing to do if she's going to make it to the merge.

NEXT WEEK ON SURVIVOR!  Ok, I called it wrong last week, but with Shamar and Laura gone the Fans WILL win a challenge and Brandon truly earns the name "Crazy Brandon Hantz"!

Survivor Caramoan 26e03: Survivor Tougher Than Iraq?

I knew Survivor was tough but could it actually be tougher then being deployed in Iraq where you're constantly being shot at?  Apparently that's what two time Iraq war veteran Shamar thinks, because after 6 whole days in the game of Survivor he came really close to quitting this week.  This is really hard for me to comprehend being a veteran of the Navy who's basic training is a month less and I'm sure much easier then Marine basic training.  Still Navy basic training is no joke, especially when you do it in Great Lakes during the dead of winter and I have to confess that I came REALLY close to quitting during my two months.  I've always thought to myself that I could never handle an extra month of that shit, and therefore would probably never be able to make it through Marine boot camp like Shamar did.  On the other hand I also have no doubt in my mind that I could handle 39 days of Survivor.  I don't know what's up with Shamar who's a hell of lot bigger and stronger then I am.  Maybe it's just a lot easier for him to shoot someone then it is to vote someone out.   
The episode starts off with the fans coming back from tribal and Shamar having a huge backlash for seeing his name written down.  He goes off on just about everyone, even though 5 out of his 8 remaining tribe mates didn't vote for him.  
Shamar's obviously has been through a lot of shit in his life that have seriously fucked up his head.  I'm guessing it didn't start in the military either.  He talks about quitting before he becomes the "angry black man".  Well if Shamar yelling at the top of his lungs at everyone in sight is what he's like when he's in a good mood, I'd hate to see what he's like when he's really angry.
Before his big announcement, Sherri, who desperately wants to keep Shamar around to keep the heat off of her, had a pow wow with him to try to get him to relax.  Amazingly, Shamar is completely oblivious to his negative impact on the tribe. The conversation reminded me of the one Amanda had with James in Heroes Vs Villains where she tried to explain to James it might not be a good idea to eat 10 times as much food as the rest of the tribe combined, and James was like, "I don't eat that much".
In the end, after a lot of convincing by Sherri, he didn't quit, much to Reynold's dismay, and he manages to try to make himself look like a hero for not quitting.  Pretty lame if you ask me.  As Reynold said, here he is, given the chance to play a game that 50,000 people, myself included, would line up for days to have the chance to play and he's ready to throw in the towel because his "happiness isn't worth not quitting".  Which is pretty I wonder who it was that told him that Survivor was going to be one big picnic.
Over at the "favorites" camp an alliance is brewing between Malcolm and Corrine and another one is brewing AGAINST Corrine.  Andrea becomes threatened by Corrine because she doesn't like her talking to less then 6 people at a time.  So she starts planning her exit.  Looks like Phillip isn't the only one be possessed by Boston Rob.  She recruits Crazy Brandon Hantz in this endeavor.  A good thing too because Brandon is plotting on peeing on the camp beans if he feels he's on the chopping block.  So I guess Crazy Brandon Hantz only cares about redeeming the Hantz family name when isn't in danger of being voted out.  
Meanwhile, Malcolm and Corrine decide to go idol hunting and once again Malcolm hits the jackpot!  He finds the idol at which point, both he and Corrine do a big celebration dance and then decide to keep it to themselves for now.  I like Malcolm and hope he can do a repeat of last season and make it to the end.  However, the fact that we haven't seen much of Malcolm might hint against that.
We also get to see Former Special Agent Phillip displaying more delusions of grandeur.  Sitting on rock by himself he starts telling stories of out basketball playing guys half his age and twice his height.  It's almost as if Coach got a really dark tan and snuck back on the show.  Doesn't seem to be really germain to the story but it's a nice bit of comic relief. 
And what episode would be complete without an extra long confessional full of pearls of wisdom by the demented mind of John Cochran?  For some reason the producer's really love this geek and try to shine the spot light as much as possible.  I don't get it.  Judging by this season's ratings, neither do the majority of America.
Even last weeks ouster Allie said in her post game interviews that this group of "favorites" were definitely not true favorites.  I don't think that remark came from sour grapes either.  It's almost as though the casting department believes it's better to have bad players on the show.  I still love Survivor but not as much as I used to.  It's lost a lot of magic by continuously casting such lame characters such as John, Brandon, Phillip etc, etc and then bringing them back again and again.  Makes me wonder how Malcolm ever made it on the show.
I also learned that Reynold told Allie he had the idol and she told him that Sherri told her she was voting for her.  So apparently he did have a good idea which way the vote was going to go down last week.  His not giving the idol to Allie show a lot of cowardliness and stupidity on his part.  By him not doing that he gave the other alliance the power to now split the vote against his alliance.  Now he has to hope for a miracle if they lose the immunity challenge.
Speaking of which, after carrying their dysfunction from camp life over to the challenge the fans once again get defeated by the "favorites".  The "favorites" are a pretty lame bunch with players.  Even with the advantage of having all the reward items the contest is very close.  Maybe if Erik would spend more time focusing on the challenge and less time grabbing Phillips ass they would of won by wider margin.  Still, with Lauren swimming in the wrong direction, and Shamar and Reynold fighting for the goggles, the "favorites" manage to barely win.  Once again the challenge is also for reward so the "favorites" increase their advantage of a better camp life.  The fans have yet to win any rewards.  Of course I haven't seen the "favorites" catch one fish with the gear they won last week.
Back at fans camp Shamar wastes no time causing a commotion.  He even goes so far as to ban Reynold and Eddie from speaking to him.  Didn't Randy do that in Gabon?  Of course it's ok for Shamar to yell at them all he wants to.  I do have to say I can understand Shamar's frustration at Reynold for hogging the goggles when Shamar clearly stated during the challenge that he needed them due to the fact that he was wearing contacts.  Then again, I don't know what someone is doing wearing contacts while being stranded on a desert island.  I didn't even know you could wear contacts for 39 days but it's been awhile since I had to wear those damn things.      
Well, seeing how Shamar hates everyone accept for Sherri and everyone but Sherri hates him, and the fact that Shamar was ready to quit just 5 minutes ago, this should be an easy vote, right?  Wrong!
Sherri isn't giving up her Phillip just yet and convinces everyone to split the vote against Eddie and Hope, with plans to vote out Hope at the revote, in effort to keep the tribe stronger in challenges by keeping Eddie and Reynold but still weakening their opposition.  But all is not lost for Hope quite yet.  Shamar advises Hope to vote for Eddie to save herself.  He tries to make it look like he's doing it as a favor to Hope, but my personal feeling is he didn't want to have a three way tie that involved his name being written down.  Guess he got his second wind and is ready to tough it out at the moment.
To her credit, Hope does not turn on her alliance, and instead drops the dime on Shamar.  This makes the rest of the tribe very nervous, especially Julia and Lauren.  There appears to be a plan for Julia and Lauren to jump over to the pretty people and vote out Shamar.  But when they head to tribal with plenty of time left in the episode a revote seems much more likely, and that's exactly what happens.  Another hottie bites the dust early in the season when Hope gets votes out and the fans seem to be on the verge of a complete implosion.
How did this happen?  Why would they keep Shamar?  My theory is that Sherri must of found out about the danger he was in and then did a lot tap dancing to save him that we weren't privy to seeing.
Regardless I'm pretty sure Shamar's days are numbered.  I know Phillip pulled off a pretty amazing move to make it to the end with similar behavior but at least Phillip never talked about quitting.  I just don't think Shamar has it in him to go the distance.  Of course at this point Sherri seems to be the only fan who does have the ability to go all the way.  Even Reynold probably won't last long.
It's hard to tell who the bigger group of idiots are between the fans and the "favorites" but at this point the "favorites" seem to have a big advantage.

NEXT WEEK ON SURVIVOR: Well the previews show the fans getting bombarded by massive storm.  Since the previews always try to fool you I'm guessing that the fans manage to pull out a W at the immunity challenge.  Will Malcolm use his idol?  Doubtful, but should be an interesting episode.  I'm sure it will be the last one before a tribal shuffle.

Survivor Caramoan S26E02: Phillips Big Brother on the Fans Team?

Last week I reported that Phillip's insanity schtick might NOT be an act of a plant by producers because Francesca was voted out first for a second time and I didn't think the producers would ever want that to happen.  Then I read an interview with Probst where he revealed that a part of him was actually glad Francesca got voted off twice again because it made for a great Survivor moment.  So now I have to go back to my original hypothesis that Phillip is indeed working for the producers.
This is further proof of what retards the casting department is on Survivor.  They have chosen to cast a chick who gets voted out first twice in a row!  Obviously they don't have a good sense at all of who will make good contestants.  I guess I should feel glad that I've applied twice and never even gotten an interview if their idea of a good player is someone who gets voted out twice.
Also last weeks premier was the lowest rated ever!  Down a whopping 23% from the premier of One World which had the dumbest cast in Survivor history, but DIDN'T have returning players.  Now I love to see returning players every now and then but I think the rest of the audience like myself are starting to get really sick of it.  Unfortunately judging by some of Probst's comments they're planning on bringing returning players back for season's 27 and 28.  Bad move if you ask me with season 30 right around the corner and great opportunity for another All Stars edition.
Anyway in the beginning of this episode we see Crazy Brandon Hantz starting to channel his uncle's spirit when he realizes he's not safe like he was in South Pacific.  Then the next day we see him acting all remorseful.  John makes a good observation on this by comparing Crazy Brandon Hantz to a murdering psycho.  For once me and John actually agree on something.
We also see Dawn crying her eyes out, acting all innocent and vulnerable.  I came very close to throwing up upon seeing this.  Dawn is such a big phoney.  We saw her doing this same shit in SP before planning to blindside Ozzy, who did nothing but protect and support Dawn.  Mark my words, Dawn is one of the most ruthless players in Survivor history.  Probably the only player more phoney then her is Coach.
At the fans camp we see big ole Shamar annoying more people then Phillip Shepherd and like in Redemption Island we hear a lot people talking about being so anxious to vote him out.  This tells us two things.  The fans are gonna lose the immunity challenge this episode and Shamar will be safe as a kitten when it comes time to vote.  There is some foreshadowing of this when we see Shari talking about protecting Shamar because she wants him to be her Phillip and use him to coast into the finals ala Boston Rob.
At the next challenge which again is a dreaded reward/immunity combo, which I am so sick of, we see a big reaction from the fans upon seeing the new "favorites" tribe.  Micheal acknowledges how vicious it was of them to vote out Fran first again but I would of liked to of seen him take it further and call them out for not voting out John.  I would of loved to of seen a fan say, "It's pretty cold of them to vote out Francesca but it's also really good for us.  She was a strong player and I see a guy over there that looks like he's about he's die.  Hopefully they'll be stupid enough to keep him around until the merge."  Of course as much as I myself would of liked to of said this, if I had been on the Fans tribe I probably wouldn't of because I wouldn't want to give any kind of help to the "favorites".
Still Francesca got what she deserved.  Not only is she a scumsucking lawyer she's a FEMALE scumsucking lawyer that obviously can't be trusted for that very reason.  When I get on Survivor the first people I'm going after are lawyers and cops.  You need people around that you can trust.  However I also think John should of went before Francesca.  I mean he is another lawyer and he's also the biggest weasel in Survivor history.  Not to mention he sucks at challenges.  Which, as I reported last week, may be what's saving him.  These "favorites" probably don't perceive him as a threat because of that. 
Despite the presence of John on the "favorites" tribe the fans manage to completely fuck up the first part of the challenge.  So when it comes time for another showdown between Malcolm and Reynold in the ring tossing section there isn't enough time for the fans to comeback.  Although when Reynold does start to creep up on Malcolm's lead he wisely switches out and lets Phillip toss the rings.  So the "favorites" win immunity and fishing gear.
Apparently the editors didn't feel there was enough rope a dope going on in the first half of the episode so immediately after the challenge we see Reynold revealing that Shamar is the "obvious choice" to go home that night.
At the "favorites" camp Philip continues to strategize despite not having tribal council that night.  He enlists Malcolm into Stealth R Us and dubs him the "Enforcer".  Malcolm plays along to Phillips face but is rolling his eyes behind Phillips back.  So here's a run down on this seasons members of Stealth R Us.  Besides the "Enforcer", John is the "Intelligence", Andrea is the "Eliminator", Corrine is the "Dominatrex" and Dawn is "True Grit"!
At the fans camp Shamar waist no time in causing more chaos when he and Reynold get into it.  The pretty people are dying to vote him out but still don't realize they don't have the numbers.  However, Reynold succeeds in finding the hidden immunity idol with very little effort.  Unfortunately for him Lauren is quick to figure this out when she sees it bulging out of his pants, but doesn't have time to inform everyone at camp so she does so at tribal council.
Reynold admits it and pulls a Colton and Malcolm and bluffs that he's going to use it.  Unfortunately things don't go as well for Reynold and he loses his biggest ally Allie.  I think a better bluff for Reynold would of been to say, "We have a good idea who most of you are voting for tonight, so I'm playing this tonight for that person, and we're actually splitting our votes between Shamar and guy who said he was with us (tattoo long beard guy) to test his loyalty.  So if you guys don't vote for Shamar one you is in for a big surprise tonight."  Then don't split the vote and then hopefully at least tattoo guy would vote for Shamar and maybe Micheal would have too.
Now Reynold pretty much has to use the idol the next time he goes to tribal unless there's a tribal shuffle that helps him before then.  As it is, his alliance is now out numbered 2 to 1 and the six can easily split their vote to get rid of one of the other pretty people.

NEXT WEEK ON SURVIVOR! The fans are in dire straits with their division in the tribe and the "favorites" having all the reward items.  The one thing the fans have going for them is that the "favorites" still have weasel John and Crazy Brandon Hantz on their tribe.

Survivor Caramoan Episode 1: Phillip ACTUALLY Crazy??

Could Phillip REALLY be this crazy?  Could it actually be that his insanity isn't an act?!  When I first watched him on Redemption Island I quickly became convinced that he was a plant by the producers to secretly help whichever returning player he ended up being tribe mates with.  I couldn't believe that the producers would ever put someone that crazy on the show who wasn't related to Russell Hantz.  Especially after the finale when he told almost all the jury members to kiss his ass.  But after watching last nights episode I'm not so sure.  The idea of bringing a plant back as a returning player isn't that far fetched at all, but directing that plant to make sure that Fracesca get's voted off first again IS pretty far fetched.  I can't believe any of the producers wanted to see that happen.
This will probably be the last time they're stupid enough to ask someone back who was voted out first.  Like the old saying goes, "those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it."  I'm guessing they just liked having two black players who hated each other.  That's very rare on Survivor.  It wasn't until the fifth season that a black player cast a vote against another black player.  That player being the enormously annoying and insane Ghandia.  I'm sure Phillip and her would of gotten along pretty well though, because they're clearly both nuts.  Of course, as far as I'm concerned Phillip should of never been brought back.
I understand they did ask BIMBO to come back and she declined.  Thank God.  As much as I hate seeing Francesca back, I will take her coming back over BIMBO any day of the week, and twice on Sunday.  Probably the only players I would hate to see come back more then BIMBO is Russell Hantz and Coach.
Not that the other Favorites are much better.  It's a huge dream of mine to play on Survivor but I'm kind of glad I didn't play this season.  I can just imagine Probst asking me on hour 1 what I think of the returning players.  I don't think I could manage to resist saying something like "I can't say I'm too impressed.  I see about two or three good players over there.  Then I see two idiots who were stupid enough to give up immunity, a guy who is either a plant by producers or completely nuts, another guy who thinks you can win the game by stabbing most of the jury in the back, and a dike who was stupid enough to get voted off first." Then when the inevitable tribal shuffle occurred I would of had some major tap dancing to do.
If I ever do play Survivor I think I'm going to have to seriously consider giving up immunity at some point though. That seems to be a sure fire way of getting asked to play again.  Every person who's ever given up immunity has been asked to return.  Unless you count Burton who gave one of his TWO immunity necklaces to Rupert.
After introductions are made they start right off with a challenge.  Amazingly the "favorites" kick the fans asses.  Less then 15 minutes into the episode Brandon is already showing signs of losing it.  Warning...Warning... you have 10 episodes to evacuate the island before Brandon reaches critical nuclear mass destruction!  Judging by the previews for next week I may be being too generous with 10 episodes.  But it's actually fan Shamar that sets the record for getting on Probst's bad side when he advises Sherry to break Brenda's wrist.  You can tell Probst is just itching to get him to tribal council after that one.  Wasn't there a black girl named Shamar who got voted out first a few seasons ago?  Of course this Shamar doesn't look anything like her!  This guy has got to be the heaviest player in Survivor history.  He has to equal about two Richard Hatch's.

So luckily for the "favorites" the fans aren't much better.  Within a couple hours they are bickering and squabbling, mostly due to Shamar's impatience.  He wants everyone to stop working on the shelter and try to build a fire.  No doubt, fire is important on Survivor but I think if I was there, my priority would be shelter.  Especially if most of the tribe is already working on it.  Obviously Shamar isn't a big enough fan to know that you aren't supposed to rock the boat on day 1.  I do have to give him props for getting the fire going without flint.  Of course they used the same technique developed by Survivor legend Boston Rob.
As far as alliances go, two of the pretty boys and their main squeezes form an alliance and dub themselves the "cool group".  They fail to realize that in a tribe of 10 an alliance of 4 has about as much chance as John Cochoran in a duel against Ozzy.  
Meanwhile, at the "favorites" camp, Francesca is desperately trying to do everything she can not to be the first one voted off.  During a private interview she picks up a small rock and declares that she will eat the rock if she's the first one voted off again.  She even tries to make up with Phillip, who has absolutely no interest in accepting her olive branch.
John on the other hand is desperately trying to avoid being sunburned to death.  By the end of the second day he is red as a lobster and in serious pain.  I know a couple players from South Pacific that are really enjoying this.
Although this is a really lame group of "all-stars" but I have to say I'm really digging Brenda's enthusiasm.  I don't think I have ever seen anyone so excited to play the game of Survivor.  During the whole episode she has a huge smile on her gorgeous kisser and is exploding with energy during the challenges.  Especially when she got off the helicopter and on the mat in the beginning.  She's one of the few reasons to have any kind of excitement about the rest of the season.
At the immunity challenge the "favorites" take a huge lead but end up blowing it during the second part of the challenge where Reynold gets revenge on Malcolm, who scored the winning point on the opening challenge.
Remarkably no one is shown searching for an idol.  That's not to say it didn't happen but it's left out for some reason.  This episode was originally supposed to be two hours long.  There was even a video clip on the Survivor website advertising this last month, but for some reason it got shortened to 90 minutes.  Maybe that's what they cut out.  Still the last minute editing shows and it's not a very exciting episode.  The immunity challenge in particular seemed very flat.  Dawn doing her typical impression of turtle by sticking her neck and head as far forward as humanly possible doesn't make it any prettier.
After the challenge Survivor genius Francesca gets the bright idea of targeting everyone in her alliance.  First she goes after Phillip then Andrea.  Andrea gets wind of this and suggests going after Francesca, which Phillip is only too happy to do.
At tribal we learn that Phillip can in fact pronounce Francesca's name properly and always could, which I kind of always suspected.  Still the tension continues to thicken between the two of them.  When he goes to vote he stomps past her like a child giving a clear indication of who he's voting for.
As I said earlier, those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it, and Francesca makes a strong indication of just how retarded the casting department of survivor is by getting voted out first again!  Hope you're hungry Francesca.  Time for a hearty helping of rock stew!  Can't wait to see you at the reunion with all your teeth missing!
Can't say I'm sorry to see Frannie go, but I'm amazed no one went after John.  The guy is obviously untrustworthy, sucks at challenges, and is suffering from a severe case of sunburn.  Maybe that's what saved him.  Maybe they figure he can't cause any mischief while he's in so much pain.  I think that could turn out to be a fatal error for the "favorites".
Judging by the vote Brandon, Brenda, and Erik are on the outside.  How will Crazy Brandon Hantz react to this?  Well....

NEXT WEEK ON SURVIVOR! Crazy Brandon Hantz starts to panic when he realizes he's on the outside and his true nature quickly emerges.