Survivor Caramoan Episode 5 Recap: Lil Hantz Has BIG Meltdown!

What an episode!  Survivor has seen it's fair share of psychopathic meltdowns over the years.  Ghandia from Thailand, Fairplay from Pearl Islands, Shane from Exile Island, Dreamz from Figi, James from Heroes Vs Villains, Phillip from Redemption Island, Russell Swan from last seasons Phillipines, and this seasons Shamar.  Well a new member has joined this elite group and this one tops them all!  Who could it be you ask?  Hold on to your hats, but that person is..... drum roll..... CRAZY BRANDON HANTZ!
Now when he first appeared on Survivor, Crazy Brandon Hantz claimed he wanted to redeem the Hantz name after his uncle Russell brought complete disgrace to it over the course of three seasons of Survivor.  Well, after tonight's episode I think it's safe to say the whole world knows what Hantz's are really made of.  COMPLETE LUNATICS!  It also proves once and for all that anyone who admires anyone in this family must themselves have a couple screws loose.
After seeing last weeks preview watching this weeks episode was full of tension, just waiting to see Brandon snap, which has been building up since the first 10 minutes of the first episode.  At first he tells everyone that he wants out of the game because he misses his family and volunteers to be voted off next tribal council.  Then through an act of extreme maturity and wisdom, that those Hantz's are so famous for, he confesses his former desires to burn down the camp, and flavor the rice and beans with his urine.  He apologizes for this so I guess he's realized the errors of his ways.  Yeah right, and then monkey's will fly out of my butt.  I believe he did this thinking the tribe would embrace him for his honesty, another testament of Brandon's lunacy.  Of course it just scares the crap out of them and rightly so.  I'm sure the fact that Brandon has a knife in his hand during most of the episode doesn't help matters either.  Except for Andrea who allows Brandon to stick his face in her crotch after this, so you never know.
Before the next comercial break Brandon has already gone through a personality change and declares that he is going to start playing the game at an all new level.  He also promises us that we'll see the most intense Brandon Hantz ever.  This is not incorrect.
Both tribes meet at the reward challenge to compete for steaks and wine.  It's another good challenge that has two members of each tribe holding on to a rope connected to big hanging basket nets that the other tribe must fill with coconuts.  The last tribe to have their net still hanging wins.  The fans wisely include John so they can sit him out at the immunity challenge and sit out Erik, Andrea, and Dawn.  Brandon and Phillip are the "favorites" rope holders while bosom buddies Matt and Micheal hold for the fans.
During the challenge Phillip employs a pretty wild but effective strategy of distracting the fans with some kind of bizarre African tribal chants every time they attempt to shoot a basket.  However once again it's very close thanks once again in large part to Reynold.
Mr. Gung Ho intense playing Lil Hantz is the first one to let go of his ropes but Phillip continues to hang tough AND talk plenty of trash.  Even John manages to sink a few baskets and Matt is the next one to fall out of the challenge.  Guess all that ink covering Brandon and Matt's bodies has weakened their muscles because they're outlasted by a delusional dinosaur and a four eyed queen.
It's a nail biter with Phillip doing a lot of shaking, although he denies he's struggling when Probst makes that suggestion, but the redness in Micheal's face makes it obvious that the fans will lose another one.  Inevitably Micheal loses his grip and even with John participating and Laura not a factor, the fans still can't beat the "favorites".
Probst announces the "favorites" victory.  Reynold then pulls a Shamar, and doesn't realize that he's not a returning player.  He then proceeds to give his entire tribe victorious high fives.  Speaking of Shamar I have to say this is one challenge they could of really used his bulk on.  Had he still been in the game the fans would of surely of won this challenge.  Nothing seems to go right for the fans.
This just goes to show how valuable reward items can be to morale and team strength.  For crying out loud, the "favorites" have fucking John Cochran on their tribe!  But they can't lose because they have all the rewards so far which leads to a much better camp life.
At the fans camp everyone starts scrambling for the idol that was surely put back into circulation after Reynold played it last tribal council.  Do they even bother making clues anymore?  The majority alliance really wants to keep Reynold from getting his hands on it again.  Even Julia is searching for the idol.
During the search we find out that Micheal and Matt have become such great buddies that evidently Micheal has persuaded Matt into leaving the BMX bicycle business and join him in becoming an "event planner" because that's what Matt's occupation is listed as during his idol searching confessional.

Ultimately Reynold once again finds the idol.  Instead of using it for leverage he decides to keep it a secret to everyone except Eddie.  He suggests he may as well play them every time he goes to tribal since he's able to find them so easily.  I think this is a mistake.  If I were Reynold I would go to Matt and Micheal and try to work out a deal to form a new alliance.  Which, is what he should of done last week, and the week before with Laura.
It's amazing how clueless these alleged fans really are of the game. We are also finally given an indication of Sherri's aggressiveness that I reported last week when Eddie lets us know that she had been searching for the idol since day 1.  Micheal also discloses this so we now have solid proof that she hasn't been as covert as the editing has suggested.  To Eddie's delight he watches Sherri comb the beach feverishly in search of the idol that is already in Reynold's possession.
At the "favorites" camp Brandon starts getting really annoyed and jealous over all the credit Phillip is getting for winning the challenge.  He takes the first opportunity he can to pick a fight with Phillip and ends up telling him to "shut the fuck up".  It took a lot less then that from Steve on Redemption Island for Phillip to start talking about his Jit Kun Jo skills, but with Lil Hantz, Phillip backs down.  Poor Phillip.  It's not everyday he runs into somebody who is even more insane than he is.  I'm pretty sure a lot of cast members from Phillip's last season are enjoying seeing him get a taste of his own medicine.  Especially Ashley and Steve.
At the fans camp the rain is beating down on the them pretty hard.  Matt has apparently changed his mind about being an "event planner" and is back to selling BMX bikes.  They are absolutely miserable and praying for a miracle.  Well, good news fans, God is listening and has sent you a miracle in the form of Crazy Brandon Hantz!

Brandon goes through yet another personality challenge within this episode and starts regretting his outburst.  He apologizes to Phillip but Phillip can't let it go.  The tension continues to build until he starts to contemplate doing the same strategic move that Zapatera did so successfully against him and his tribe on RI and throw the challenge so he can get rid of Brandon.  I'm pretty sure that throwing a challenge isn't one of the BR rules.  If Phillip had actually learned from Boston Rob he would of done what Rob did with him and used Brandon as a goat to ride to the end.
Instead, Phillip expresses his desires of throwing the immunity challenge to his alleged ally Andrea.  Andrea however drops the dime on Phillip to Brandon.  At this point I'm fairly certain Andrea has the hots for Brandon.  She's sticking her crotch in his face, enlisting him into the alliance to oust Corrine, playing with her hair when he talks, and now she's trying her best to keep this clearly unstable individual in the game and I don't think she's trying to make Brandon her Phillip since she already has a Phillip.
So Brandon confronts Phillip yet again and this time Phillip pushes CBH over the edge.  Then in a meltdown of truly epic proportions CBH dumps out the camps rice and beans.  He then proudly proclaims that he's "the author of his own fate".  Quite a shift from his assertion on South Pacific that we puny humans have no free will and God is the author of all our fates.
I'm not surprised that Phillip runs away from this but I'm pretty disappointed in Malcolm.  I can't believe he just watched Brandon do all this.  Malcolm is like 6'3" and Brandon is like 5 foot nothing.  I was fully expecting Malcolm to either be absent during this meltdown or to break Brandon into a million fucking pieces after this.  But only skinny Erik has the balls to try to stop Brandon.
So now the whole camp is in complete shock and it's clear that this will be the last we ever see of Brandon with the possible exception of the reunion.  At this point everyone wants Brandon out and no tribe has every wanted to go to tribal so badly.  But the fireworks aren't over yet!

At the immunity challenge the "favorites" march in with disbelief still present all over their faces.  I would of loved to have been a fly on the Bikal flag as they were making the hike to the challenge area.  The two tribes take their places on the mats at which point Probst checks in with the two tribes.  Firstly we hear Reynold do a lot of whining about the conditions of their situation.  Then Brandon steps off his mat and offers some words of encouragement to the fans.  He lets them know he's their second chance.  Reynold asks what the hell he's talking about.  Then Corrine gives a speech she clearly spent hours preparing and announces that her tribe wants to give immunity to the fans.  The fans are shocked but clearly over joyed by this.
Brandon continues his journey into the abyss of total madness and continues ranting about Phillip.  Probst calls Brandon over to him before things get out of control.  He tries to calm Brandon down but is unsuccessful.  He and Phillip exchange heated words and Brenda makes the extremely astute observation that Brandon's having a "meltdown".  No shit Sherlock.  I love you Brenda but I would of thought that that would of been obvious after Brandon dumped out your entire food supply.  Then Andrea starts crying over the whole situation.  Yeah, she definitely wants Brandon's dick.  Why do so many cute young girls always drool over the bad boy?
Brandon tells Probst he'll do him the extremely generous gesture of remaining non violent for him but when Phillip talks about Brandon disrespecting his elders and brings up his family Brandon really starts to huff and puff.  "Bring my kids into this and I'll come over their and knock your fucking head off!" he says.
In Brandon's defense I have to say that Brandon did not say anything disrespectful to his uncle at the reunion like Phillip accuses him of doing.  Also Phillip really shouldn't be throwing rocks in glass houses.  He's the one that bullied and scared the shit out of the cute little girls on his tribe the last time he played.  Also Brandon DID try to apologize to Phillip, so Phillip certainly isn't completely innocent in this whole mess.
I think it's around this point that Probst starts to administer an intense back massage to Brandon.  Soon after this we see a survivor first, when Probst announces that they will be holding tribal council immediately at the challenge site!  He instructs Erik to hand over the idol to the fans which they gladly take.  At which point Reynold makes the ridiculous request for Probst to throw up his hands and proclaim the fans victorious.  Probst has a dumbfounded look on his face from such an inappropriate request but tells him he'll do it on their way out, which he never does.
Still massaging Brandon's shoulders Probst calls for a vote starting with Brandon who predictably shouts out Phillips name.  He then goes through the "favorites" one by one asking for their votes and they also predictably all vote for Crazy Brandon Hants.  Probst finally stops massaging Brandon and instructs him to walk to the back of the challenge and cool down.  Brandon takes one more shot at Phillip on his way out and calls him a bitch.  He also tells the fans to kick the "favorites" asses.  In this reporters opinion this is a true case of human garbage.  Good riddance I say.  I really hope this is last we'll see of the Hantz's on Survivor but deep down inside I know that the producer's are loving this little episode and I have to admit it did make for some pretty good tv.  Another good thing about this episode is that we were not subjected to a single confessional from the demented mind of John Cochran.
I do have to say, if I were one of the favorites I would demand that the producers replace the rice this psycho destroyed.  I would tell them if they did not replace it I would quit the game and sue CBS because they should of never allowed such a psychopath on the island.  Anyone who watched South Pacific knows Brandon wasn't playing with a full deck.

UPDATE:
I heard in an interview that Brandon is very proud of his behavior on this weeks episode.  I also hear that at the rip old age of 22 he's expecting his THIRD child!  Also, he said that Uncle Russel was never prouder than he was after this weeks episode.  I think that just about makes it official that that family is completely INSANE!
NEXT WEEK ON SURVIVOR! Looks like it's time for a tribal shuffle and/or a double tribal council.  Will Reynold use his idol effectively this time?  Doubtful, but only time will tell!