Survivor Cagayan Week 5: Zombie Tribe

 

So because of Trish's massive urge to gloat about her big blindside as soon as Solana returns to camp, we almost have a female version of  Brandon Hantz and Philip altercation.  Or at least that's what Lyndsey leads Probst to believe moments later when she informs him that she can't take being in the game another second.  That and the fact that she didn't expect to have endure being cold, tired and hungry while playing the game of Survivor.  

I've watched Lyndsey's exit interview on Survivor Live and personally believe she is so full of shit.  During her interview she was doing all kinds of double talk and just not making any sense.  I believe she knew her days were numbered and didn't want to give Trish the satisfaction of voting her out.

I am completely disgusted by this.  There are so many people like myself who are dying to get on this show and she quits because her ego couldn't take her closest ally being blindsided.  As I've said many times before I believe the casting department is on crack but whoever chose to put someone this ridiculously weak on the brawn tribe should be demoted.  You would think the fact that she's a hairdresser might give you a little clue that she shouldn't be on a tribe of strong people.  She doesn't even have the guts to face her tribe to let them know she's leaving which is even more suspicious of her motives.

At the reward challenge when Solana walks in with two people missing we are treated to several members of Aparri doing their best Eliza Orlins impression.  Probst questions Alexis on her reaction and without thinking she says she is so happy to see her fellow beauty's still alive.  That statement will come back to haunt her.  

The reward is a raid on the losing tribe's camp and the challenge is a familiar one where two members of opposing tribes square off and try to knock a mini idol out of the other's hand.  The first two are Spencer and Woo.  Spencer prevails by using the old trick of throwing your own idol high into the air and then immediately striking at the your opponent's.  You would think that by now someone one would be anticipating this move during this challenge and defend by throwing your idol up as high as you can so the other person's will hit the ground first.  I'm sure this move would not be easy but could be executed with focus.

The scoring goes back and forth but then my girl Morgan has to face off against Vic Mackie because so many men have been voted off.  LJ warns him not to look into her eyes because he will get sucked in but I'm sure everyone will agree her eyes are hardly Morgan's most distracting feature to the average man.  Mackie wins and request's high fives from his fellow teammates for the incredibly difficult task of beating a little 21 year old girl.

Next is a rematch between Spencer and Woo with the game on the line and Solana in the lead.  This time Woo does focus and patiently waits for the right moment.  He then strikes, knocking Spencer's idol down to the ground and winning the challenge.  Solana decides to send Woo and Vic Mackie to raid Aparri's camp.

At Aparri Tony and Woo are given a clue to the idol at Solana even though the idol is in LJ's pocket which doesn't make any sense to me.  Tony then gets the evil plan of telling Aparri that the clue is for their camp and they are choosing to give it to Jeremiah.  Even though Jeremiah see's it's an old clue to their old camp he not only doesn't say anything he actually give the clue back to Tony  before they leave.

When Tony and Woo get back to Solana they gloat about how they put a huge target on Jeremiah's back.  Then Tony comes clean about being a cop to try to earn the tribes trust.  As LJ said, "to prove he's trust worthy he admits to everyone he's been lying for two weeks.  Ok. Different."  I wish I could say Tony's intelligence and paper thin integrity was unique to the law enforcement ranks but I'm sorry to say based on my experience Tony is extremely typical of your average cop.  

Unfortunately not too many people realize this and think cops are as mostly honest.  I remember telling my aunt, who is a white lady, when I was a teenager how sketchy cops were and became so revolted by my statement.  The thing is cops act very differently with women (especially white women) and rich white men then they do with everyone else.  So if you're a white woman like my aunt or a rich white guy you have no idea to the true nature of the police.  If you need more insight just watch the Shield sometime.

But Tony isn't the only one to have a huge revelation, Trish jokingly reveals that she's really a man. OK. I thought she was going to reveal that she's actually the Joker's twin sister.

Back at Aparri, Alexis is very suspicious of Jeremiah for receiving an idol clue and begins to orchestrate his exit from the game.  She begins with Spencer, who plays along but is actually afraid that Alexis might be smarter than she lets on, which immediately reveals Spencer's elite power's of observation.  A lot of drama ensues surrounding Jeremiah warning us that Aparri will most likely be losing the challenge, but on the bright side Morgan appears to be pretty safe.

However that thought doesn't seem too sound when LJ starts bumbling around during the first phase of the challenge.  First he get's stuck in the mud then he decides to put the tallest pole of a staircase smack dab in the middle, but during the second part which is navigating through a bamboo maze Solana catches up.  The next part is completing a puzzle of wooden boards to reveal a combination to a lock that secures an immunity flag.  Sarah is working the puzzle for Aparri but apparently she forgot her glasses back at camp and can't see what everyone else can, which is her puzzle pieces don't match.  Solana finishes first and LJ once again nearly busts his ass on the way to the combination but still manages to release the flag.  Then Tony once again demonstrates his intelligence level but jumping up and down, while shouting "Top Five" over and over within spitting distance of his blue blooded sister Sarah, who doesn't look the least bit pleased.

At Aparri we see Morgan looking fine as hell in a lake with Alexis, and Sarah.  Alexis is trying to solidify Jeremiah's departure.  Sarah swears on everything she loves that she's voting for Jeremiah.  But guess what?  Shocker!  Officer Sarah lies and votes for Alexis along with everyone else.  I must say the editors did quite a job in fooling me because I was sure Jeremiah was a goner.  You would think I would learn after all these years.  Alexis leaves in tears and we see Morgan smiling like the cat who just ate the canary.  I have to say I totally missed how Morgan was more upset with Alexis than with Jeremiah but apparently she was.

I didn't have a lot of love for Alexis but I have to say I really felt her pain when she left.  I was surprised to learn that she is actually a really big fan of the show.  I would of bet anything that most of the beauty's along with most of this season's cast were recruits.  There's also the fact that I do not like Jeremiah after he betrayed Morgan and Brice.  That's how the game goes though.  

NEXT WEEK ON SURVIVOR!  The previews seem to be implying a merge but I have a feeling it might be a trick.

 

Survivor Cagayan Week 4: Then End or the Beginning for the "Brains"?

This episode had some great shocking moments that arose from the tribal shake up we all knew was coming.  As soon as the three tribes arrive for their next challenge they are instructed to drop their buffs and they will be merging into two tribes.  Since the green tribe has no food courtesy of J'Tia they are divided between orange and purple.  At this point in the game there are 15 men and 17 women so one team is going to really get the short end of the stick.  That tribe turns out to be the orange tribe when all three of the men from the Brawn tribe get switched over to purple along with the 2 of the Brawn women.  Sarah is the only person to stay orange.  She then gets stuck with all three "Brains" plus Alexa, Jeremiah and my girl Morgan.

After the switch up they immediately engage in the most unfair challenge in Survivor history when two members from each tribe must drag another member off a pole and across a track.  Aparri does win the first point and I never thought I could be so jealous of a tattooed covered hair dresser but that's exactly what happens as I watch in total envy when Morgan mashes her massive boobs into Lindsely's face as she tries to pry her off the pole, but the next two rounds are a complete massacre with Salani using their resident giant Cliff on the pole both times AND they also have the advantage of getting to use a man to pry off an Aparri woman in both rounds.

Back at camp things aren't looking any better for Morgan as Sarah outs her and spills the beans about Trish having a choice between looking for an idol or an extra bag of rice which Morgan lied about when she was in the same situation on day 1.  I would of bet anything that Sarah would of been the obvious swing vote within this tribe until Morgan's fellow beauty members waist no time in throwing her under the bus and each try to form an separate alliance with the "Brains" who are now sitting pretty after ridding themselves of the curse of rice's worst enemy J'Tia.  However I'm fairly certain this tribe has zero chance of winning the immunity challenge and I'm very concerned for Morgan's life in the game continuing past this episode.

At Solani it seems as though outnumbered LJ and chronically confused looking Jeffra are on the outs until Trish immediately begins drooling over the much younger LJ.  Even Vic Mackie tries to play match maker when he learns they are both single and from Massachusetts.  Cliff doesn't like this and quickly begins scheming to separate the two.

At the immunity challenge Probst announces he is retiring the smaller immunity idol and then tries his best to figure out the gender of the bigger idol for some reason.  He then announces that each tribe must sit out one player.  Solani immediately chooses Trish but there's some drama at Aparri who has determined Alexa or Morgan will sit out, instead of one of the three members who came from one of the worst competitive tribes in Survivor history, but neither of them want to sit out.  Sarah impatiently demands they play rock paper scissors to decide and Alexa triumps over Morgan,.  Not that it matters, because the first part of the challenge entails swinging a giant wooden dildo through two wooden walls and we all no Appari has no chance of winning this one right?

Well this is where the first shocking even of the episode takes place.  No I don't mean Probst yelling out "it's harder than it looks" as teams swing the giant wooden dildos.  I mean when Aparri actually manages to emerge neck and neck with Solana at the second phase of the challenge which consists of navigating the dildo through ahem, three holes.  Vic Mackie is even more shocked than I am when Aparri narrowly defeats the Brawny Solana.  After expressing his shock he announces that LJ is the primary target to eliminate, which probably means LJ isn't going anywhere.

Wouldn't you know it, LJ's recent admirer Trish is desperate to save him and wants to enlist Vic Mackie to take down Cliff because he has not said a word to her the entire time they have been there.  This is a major Survivor mistake that I see too many people make.  If I'm playing Survivor I'm going to be doing my best to be friendly with everyone even if I can't stand them.  If I see someone I don't like first thing in the morning, the first thing I'm gonna do is give them a hug and ask them if they got any sleep and do my best to make them feel comfortable right before I cut their throat.  Some may say being likable can be a liability in this game and it can, but it's very hard to get to the end AND WIN if you're not likable.  I'm talking to you Russell Hantz.  This is a social game and your social skills have to be in overdrive when playing survivor unless you're just looking to be somebody's goat to ride to the end.

Trish's only problem is convincing Vic Mackie to go along with the plan.  He's calling Trish schizophrenic for wanting to vote out Cliff which seems to me like the pot calling the kettle black since Tony has been dying to get out Cliff.  Lindsey however smells a rat which encourages Cliff to confront Tony after seeing him and Trish scheming on the beach.  At this point I'm not sure Tony deserves to be called Vic Mackie because he suddenly loses his ability to be a world class liar.  He does lie to Cliff but it's not a very good one, where he tells Cliff she was talking about staying strong.  If I had been Tony I would of said that she liked LJ and wanted to get rid of Jeffra first to diffuse any suspicions Cliff might have. I understand he was trying to alleviate Cliff's concerns but my lie would of been much more plausible.

Even though Tony seems to be struggling with the decision LJ seems to be pretty safe for the moment since he has an idol in his pocket.  With all the uncertainty going into the vote it would seem an obvious move for LJ to use his idol.  This is when the next shocking even occurs and after the vote LJ does NOT play his idol.  Now he survives when Vic Mackie votes for Cliff for "strategical" reasons but that was so risky.  I'm sure he had a long talk with Tony that we did not get to see before tribal and Tony convinced him he was down for the plan but still I can't imagine LJ not using his idol.  I think Reynold might of done the same thing and survived but look how far he got.

In the end Lindsey and Woo or shocked when Cliff leaves despite Lindsey swearing on everything she loves that Trish would flip.  I guess she just didn't predict Tony would flip.  Then Probst must snuff the torch of the most towering contestant since Mitchell from season 2.

NEXT WEEK ON SURVIVOR! It looks like Lindsey was put on the wrong tribe and is not strong enough to endure the heat of the game.

Cagayan Episode 3: Cops R Us

Is this the third or fourth episode?  Did the premier count as one or two episodes?  Guess it depends on your point of view.  In any event this is the episode where Cops R Us decide to employ the brilliant strategy of throwing a challenge because blue blooded Sarah is believing every lie that comes out Vic Mackey's mouth and is desperate to get rid of Cliff because he told her that he and Lindsey are gunning for her.  To my surprise Cliff's partner in crime, Woo is totally down.  I understand not wanting a multimillionaire to win the game but throwing a challenge is always a bad idea.  Now I was glad when Zapatera threw the challenge in Redemption Island to get rid of Russell but it still came back to haunt them.  Never a good idea.
I was glad to see Jeremiah seems to be in hot water over at the beauty camp.  I'm just hoping Morgan can convince the girls to form an alliance against the boys.  I'm also very proud that she's fighting so hard to stay in the game.
I was also glad to finally see an episode this season with two challenges.  Despite their issues the beauty tribe bounces back from last weeks loss and comes in first, winning three egg laying chickens.  Although the "brains" tribe has a huge lead for second J'Tia manages once again to blow it because this ahem nuclear engineer can't figure out how to lay a flag pole on a platform.  Somehow the braun tribe manages second place and wins a dozen eggs.
To my relief the beauty tribe goes two for two and comes in first in the immunity challenge as well.  It then becomes a race for the brawn tribe to try to finish BEHIND the "brains" tribe.  This is no easy task with J'Tia still on the "brains" tribe who can't even dive down into three feet of water to retrieve a buoy.  They give it their all but the brawn tribe just can't do badly enough to lose to the "brains".  Granted the second phase of the challenge was throwing a ball into a basket which gave former basket ball player Cliff a huge advantage but still that was really pathetic performance by the "brains".  So even with another tribe trying to lose the "brains" still can't win and come in last for the fourth time in five challenges. 
I'm not sure what I would of done if I was Tasha and Kass.  Yes, J'Tia is completely useless in every aspect of the game but there's also the fact that she would have zero chance at winning in the final tribal council.  It seems to me they might be past the point of no return of hitching their train to J'Tia, but they are struggling on which way to go all the way to and during tribal council where they are openly debating who they should vote off while Probst is trying to interview Spencer and J'Tia.
Spencer begs for his life and I would of loved to have seen someone remind him that he voted David off to keep J'Tia in the first tribal, but they don't.  Or at least we don't see it.  We also don't see anyone bothering to look for the idol which surprises me.  Maybe it happened on both counts but just didn't make the editing.  Either way Kass flops again and they decide to get rid of the anchor that is sinking them fast and vote out J'Tia.  I was pretty sure this would be the result because in interviews I have read with Probst he implies that Spencer goes far into the game.  After this episode I'm thinking he will almost certainly make it to the season finale if not the final tribal council.

NEXT WEEK ON SURVIVOR! Spencer and Morgan's prayers are answered with a tribal shake up and the two three tribes become two.   

Cagayan Episode 2: Talk of The Town

Last week I said Tony was probably related to Micheal Skupin but now I'm pretty sure he's related to Russell Hantz.  All three of them sport the Lex Luthor hair cut, so you can't blame me to much for the mistake.

Note to self.  When you get on Survivor do not trust short stocky bald guys who speak with an accent.  Unfortunately after he confided in his fellow cop, I think her name is Sara, she is pulling a major Shambo and falling for his game hook line and sinker.  "I trust Tony %110 percent." Didn't Shambo say the exact same thing about Russell before he fucked her?

I shouldn't be surprised a cop is turning out to be the season's villain.  They all lie on a daily basis, probably hourly basis for most of them.  In Tony's own words, you can swear on your kids, your mom your grandma it doesn't matter.  I can only imagine how many times he has lied under oath and sent many an innocent defendant to jail.  Hopefully a lot of defense attorney's watched last nights episode and those words will come back to haunt him.

Things are still complete chaos at the "Brains" tribe.  Then you got J'Tia whining for some rice.  Anybody who aligns with her all the way to the end should win just for the headaches she puts them through.  I'm starting to wonder if Kass will be able to stand her for 39 full days though.

At the Beauty tribe things are not looking good for my girl Morgan, of course.  Why can't things ever go good for the hot girl on Survivor?  Things start to go downhill for her when her nemesis LJ finds the hidden immunity idol.  Fuck!  But I'm not to worried about her this episode at this point because the brain tribe is a mess and with all the scheming going on at the Brawn tribe I'm pretty sure one of them are going to tribal tonight.

At the challenge the Brawn and Beauty tribe must sit out two people each.  Since the challenge involves tossing buckets of water around I'm REALLY hoping Morgan is playing.  Lord knows if there's a challenge with a high possibility of someone getting there top soaked I definitely want Morgan participating.  Luck for me Alexa and Jefra are the chosen ones. Although Morgan does her part to give the Beauty tribe a big lead in the puzzle portion of the challenge, nor does she disappoint me by getting completely soaked, The "Brain" tribe wisely doesn't let J'Tia anywhere near the puzzle and they manage an amazing comeback with Spencer and Kass working the puzzle to finish second.

At camp it looks really bad for Morgan and her wingman Brice.  They want to vote out Alexis, and I have to say again, what is she doing on the Beauty tribe?  However, they don't have the numbers because Jefra wants no part of taking out her new bff.  A glimmer of hope arises though when the girls start getting paranoid about Morgan or Brice having the idol, even though their ally LJ has it.  Regardless, they decide to split the vote which leaves the door open for Jerimiah to flop his vote and take control of the tribe with Morgan and Brice.  This would also help get him on Morgan's good side.  The question is will he do it.  Unfortunately the answer is no. There's a three way between Morgan, Alexis and Brice, which under normal circumstances would make me really jealous of Brice.  But this three way isn't nearly as exciting as the one I would like to have with Morgan and Alexis, or Morgan and just about any other member of the female population.  This three way results in a revote, and while Morgan remains in the game she loses her biggest ally Brice.

When I first saw Brice I had two thoughts.  Why is he (and everyone else but Morgan), on the Beauty tribe and he'll probably be the first one voted out of his tribe.  However, I must say I was really impressed with his game play and was expecting him to go pretty deep into the game after last weeks double header.  As it turns out he's gone and Morgan is in serious trouble.  Brice doesn't take it too hard, he wishes Morgan well and I'm sure he's really excited to have some quality time with last weeks cast off, Garrett.

NEXT WEEK ON SURVIVOR! I'm praying hard the "Brain" tribe will let J'Tia do a puzzle again so Morgan will be safe.

http://www.change.org/petitions/cbs-let-me-play-survivor