Survivor Caramoan Episdoe 7 Recap: All Talk and No Walk

Bikal returns from tribal with Julia announcing she almost pissed herself from the stress of seeing her name come up twice.  Corrine then proceeds to apologize to Julia and Michael for voting Matt out.  Yeah, I'm sure Julia's absolutely furious that you decided not to vote her out.  Then Corrine goes running to her beloved queen and councils him on their future plans together after the merge.  Phillip notices this and approaches John about getting rid of her.  John tries to confirm that he doesn't mean next but Phillip says he's leaning towards that.  John advises Phillip that this would be a very bad move because it might make there old tribemates very suspicious when they reunite after the merge.  Wow!  Two episodes in row where John has actually made some intelligent strategic moves!  Who da thunk it?  Apparently he's a much smarter player when he's in the majority.  Still if it came between turning on Corrine and drawing rocks, I think we all know which side Johnny boy would lean towards.
Bikal gets treemail of the impending reward challenge.  It makes a reference on how the strong will carry the weak.  John remarks on how they have plenty of the latter category within their tribe and panic starts to set in within the tribe.  Phillip isn't at all worried though, because he does powerlifting to give him superhuman upper body strength.  To prove how strong he is Phillip challenges JOHN to an arm wrestling match!  John who is without a doubt the weakest person left in the game. I'm pretty sure Julia could kick John's ass with one hand tied behind her back.

The reward challenge is another Survivor classic.  The two tribes are tied together and must each carry a twenty pound bag of sand.  They are then put on opposite sides of circular course and must chase each other until one tribe catches the other.  This season is on fire with great blasts from the past challenges!  This is one of my favorite challenges and has not been done nearly enough times in my opinion.
Of course, this particular time, it's not nearly as exciting since Bikal doesn't have a snow balls chance in hell of winning.  If I were Bikal I would of just saved my energy and forfeited the challenge.  All they're gonna do is wear themselves out and increase the hunger pains in their stomach.  Just for the record, there's no doubt in my mind that I would of lasted longer then any member of Bikal.
Trash talking Phillip is the first one to show signs of exhaustion.  Predictably it's not much of a contest.  Sherry does drop out of Gota pretty early but so does Dawn which is kind of surprising.  She won a very big strength challenge in South Pacific.  Even John outlasts her this time though.  However not long after Dawn goes both John and Julia fall out sealing Bikal's fate.  And who is it that takes all of their bags?  Phillip?  No, it's Corrine.  Phillip is actually whining through the whole challenge about how tired he is.
One cool thing about this challenge is watching Brenda.  She was chosen to sit out this challenge so they could sit out Sherry in the more important immunity challenge.  If I wasn't in love with Brenda before I'm definitely ready to propose to her after watching her shake her booty as she cheer-leads her tribe to victory.  As I said in my first post for this season I am really digging her enthusiasm and can't understand why were not seeing more of her!

So Gota wins an afternoon of coffee and pastries.  I find it interesting how Malcolm, along with Andrea, Erik, and Brenda has gotten to take advantage of EVERY reward this season.  Quite a shift from last season when he didn't get to experience a reward until his original tribe was completely decimated and dissolved!  Michael and Julia on the other hand have yet to experience a reward.  Of course if this season is like the last one that might mean one of them ends up winning the game!  The question is will they be able to survive tonight's episode?
Meanwhile Sherry, Reynold and Eddie are stoked to experience their first reward.  Not as happy as Malcolm though, who goes on a caffeine sugar rush and starts running around kissing everyone and telling them how much he loves them!  Andrea is also happy because she figures these good times she has with the fans will make them want to vote for her to win the game.  This implies Andrea is trying to form close relationships with the fans.  I think this is actually a risky strategy.  Many times jury members are more bitter towards finalists they were close to, but it seems to be less risky for female players.  Kim from One World is a prime example of this.
Back at camp Malcolm really begins scheming.  He becomes fearful that he'll be a target post merge because of his physical strength, so he wants to form an alliance with Reynold and Eddie who already have big targets on their back and are also physically strong.  Now Reynold is so happy that he confides in Malcolm that he has the idol.  Malcolm however fails to reciprocate.  As Malcolm observes he is now the only person in the game who knows where both idols are.  He kind of belittles Reynold for being so trusting but I personally think it was a good play by Reynold.  Historically when you tell people you have an idol, and you do actually have an idol, it tends to get them on your side, at least temporarily.  Colton from One World is a prime example of this!
At Bikal Phillip once again is trying to make an alliance with Julia, and warns her to keep it on the DL, but Julia gets greedy and decides to break Phillip's confidence.  And who does she go running to, to share this very sensitive information?  Why none other than the person she tried to vote off last time, Dawn!  Dawn promises to keep the conversation confidential, and two seconds later she's running to Phillip dropping the dime on Julia.  Another sign of Dawn's hidden ruthlessness.  Can't really blame her this time though, since Julia did try to vote her out.  
The immunity challenge isn't too exciting.  Gota takes an early lead, although it's not a complete blow out this time they never give up that advantage.  Reynold has another showdown with Phillip in one segment and with having the lead for a change this time, Reynold easily prevails.  One thing this challenge does do is start to really cement Reynold's status as a challenge legend alongside the likes of Boston Rob and Ozzy.  I believe he's gonna be really tough to beat at individual immunity after the merge.
After the challenge Phillip pulls John aside for a shocking revelation.  He threw the challenge!  John knows this is complete bullshit and he strains with all his might not to burst out laughing right in Phillips face as he gives his demented reasoning on why he threw the challenge.  John however does believe that Phillip is so delusional he actually does believe he threw the challenge and once again I find myself in the very unusual position of agreeing with John.
The fractures within the "favorites" are even more prevalent over at Bikal as Corrine and Phillip are almost at each other's throats.  They are both still content to play the waiting game however, and are still willing to target the fans.  Which fan it will be is the big question though.  At first they all were committed to getting Julia but Phillip suggests they split the votes and get her on the revote just to be safe.  Corrine doesn't like that idea though because she wants to keep Michael feeling comfortable in case they need him after the merge and she knows there isn't an idol between the fans because she has the idol with Malcolm.  This kind of makes sense except the argument that they can't have an idol because she knows Malcolm has it.  We know that Corrine is aware there is more than one idol in play because she expressed her concern about it numerous times last episode.  However, I do think it's pretty obvious that Michael and Julia don't have it, but in the end I agree with Phillip that it's better to play it safe.
One could make the argument that if they split the votes there is a danger of someone flipping to the fans, but the only one this seems to be remotely possible with is Corrine, and if she did want to do that she wouldn't be arguing for them not to split the vote.  But now that they are, could all this tension between her and Phillip  upset her enough to flip over? 
Ultimately they stick to the plan.  They split the vote then knock out Julia on the revote.  I was expecting more fireworks from Phillip during tribal towards Julia and Corrine but he's surprisingly tame along with most everyone else.  The fans don't even attempt to make a move and turn on each other.  I don't think we ever see them saying one word to each other during the entire episode.
If I'm Dawn or John at this point I'm gonna try to negotiate a truce between Corrine and Phillip to keep the advantage with the "favorites".  I would also remind Corrine how Phillip allowed her to keep her precious queen and tell her in particular to dial it down a few notches.

NEXT WEEK ON SURVIVOR!  A merge goes down with the fans now outnumbered 2 to 1.  You might think this would spell doom for them but historically tribes who have gone into a merge outnumbered that much have done very well.  There have already been strong signs of fractures within the "favorites" so this could certainly be the case this time. 

Survivor Caramoan Episode 6 Recap: Warm Glass of Shut the Hell Up!

Because of the impromptu tribal council from last week this weeks episode has a very unusual beginning in that it doesn't begin at night.  It focuses on the immediate aftermath of Brandon's meltdown with the "favorites" returning from the daytime tribal.  It is enhanced with some dramatic music that's WAAAAAY over the top.  Makes me long for the old days when Survivor was so much simpler and BETTER.
Phillip then explains how Brandon needs professional help.  Can't argue with the Specialist on that but I do have say that's like the Pot calling the Kettle black!  In any event, for reasons that aren't really clear, Phillip has set his sights on Corrine to be voted out next.  Most of the fans on the other hand are thinking one psycho down, one to go.
At the reward challenge Probst checks in with the tribes and Matt starts kissing Phillip's ass, saying how sorry he feels for him.  No need to feel bad for Phillip, because he couldn't be happier with Brandon gone.  On to the challenge!  The object is to squash a paint filled egg against your body then place yourself on the mat with that same color.  Winner gets a bag of rice!  What do you know?  It's a tie!
Actually it's a tribal shuffle.  Malcolm, Erik, Brenda, and Andrea move to Gota while bosom buddies Matt and Michael go to Bikal along with Julia.  The fans were in a pretty bad spot before this, after losing all but one challenge so far, and being outnumbered by two players, but this configuration would seem to make things even worse for them.  They are now outnumbered four to three on both tribes, so no matter who wins immunity the fans have the short end of the stick.  Matt sees this and wastes no time in sucking up to the favorites he's been placed with.
It would seem the Bikal fans have the most to worry about.  The Bikal tribe is now severely outmatched.  They have four of the the five oldest cast members AND John Cochran!  I said recently that Sherri was in hot water and I think she's probably benefited the most from the shakeup.  Yes, she's separated from her alliance but she's also on a very strong tribe that's not likely to being going to tribal, unless of course the challenge involves having a team member who can score highest on the bar exam.  She could also portray Eddie and Reynold as big physical threats to the "favorites".  Of course, unbeknownst to Sherri, Reynold still has his idol which could be good news for him.
One thing I find interesting about this configuration is that both tribes are now evenly numbered where as prior to the switch Bikal had a two person advantage.  I don't really like when Survivor does this.  I say if they're going to do a tribal swap the numbers of each tribe should remain the same.
I actually wondered if it was calculated to have four "favorites" on each tribe and that maybe each bowl of eggs was evenly divided but after re-watching the episode it appears as though the fans were give the opportunity to choose from different bowls.  I still wouldn't be surprised if it was somehow rigged.
Over at Gota, Erik continues to demonstrate just how deeply scarred he was by his self imposed blindsiding in Micronesia after expressing strong paranoia from Reynold and Eddie spilling the beans about Sherri's alliance, who is working on the girls to get rid of Reynold.  Meanwhile Andrea demonstrates her psychic ability by revealing to Malcolm that she dreamed he had the idol.  Malcolm denies this and proudly boasts about his proficiency at deceiving the opposite sex.
At Bikal, Phillip immediately goes to work on Julia so the "favorites" will have the numbers to vote out the fans.  He tells this to Corrine who is perplexed because she apparently knows what Phillip doesn't and that being that four is a larger number than three and they already have the numbers!  She tells Dawn who in her usual overly dramatic self almost spins her head off upon hearing the news.  Actually though, I think Dawn probably misunderstood Corrine and thought she was saying that Phillip was talking to Julia about himself flipping over to the fans.  Corrine tells Dawn Phillip needs to drink a warm glass of shut the hell up!  At least she didn't bash his dead grandfather that he loves so much.  She does however suggest in a confessional that if he's a special agent then that might explain why America is in the shape that's it's in, which might not be too far off.
Phillip passes on the glass of shut the hell up and goes to work on bosom buddies.  Actually it's more like they go groveling to him and he is more then happy to play the part of strategic mastermind.  He tells them that they can try out for stealth r us and the test is whether they follow orders from his second in command, but he won't divulge who that is.  This is confusing since his second in command is over on the other tribe. 
Julia actually does something and goes to work on Michael.  He assures her that he loves being on his new tribe.  Maybe that's why the fans kept losing if he likes being outnumbered so much. 
The happiest person on Bikal is Corrine due to the fact she now has a queen to hang around with.  She can't stop talking about how much she loves gays, even though she had no problem voting out Francesca.  However, she isn't going to flip to them because she's not an idiot.  Now all she has to do is make sure expert flipper John doesn't jump over to the fans. 
Last week when Brandon had his meltdown it left a burning question to Survivor fans everywhere.  Would they reuse the "boxing" challenge that they didn't get to use last week?  Well the answer is YES!
It a redo of a challenge from Heroe's Vs Villains where they must retrieve huge boxes and combine them in a stairway shape to spell out "Fans Vs Favorites"!  Of course now that the tribes have been mixed up perhaps the producers should of repainted the boxes to read "Gota Vs Bikal".
Although it's mostly a challenge of strength, Bikal still has a chance at winning, provided that Reynold, Eddie, and Malcolm are all struck by a bolt of lightning during the challenge.  Predictably this does not happen and at one point Probst accuses Bikal of moving like they're on medication.  Zing!  In the end, Gota completely massacres Bikal and Phillip continues to mumble out being forced to go out of order.
After the challenge we see Phillip talking about how he's not ready to take out Corrine and is sticking with the plan to take out the fans.  This makes me think that maybe Phillip is going home tonight.  But back at camp Corrine is also prepared to play the waiting game.  Then faster then you can say "John Cochran" Matt and Michael turn on Julia.  Apparently in unseen footage Julia has earned the stealth r us code name "the girl" by Phillip.  But she must of upset Phillip somehow because he is telling bosom buddies that he wants to vote out "the girl".  All kidding aside I do wonder what happened to the deal she made with Phillip because she's going to bosom buddies and suggesting they vote out Dawn.  They pretend to go along, secure in the knowledge that she's on the hot seat and they are safe, the "favorites" however have other plans. 
John decides Matt and Michael are too dangerous to keep together.  He also smells the desperation in Matt and realizes he doesn't have the idol so he gets the rest of the tribe to target him.  Wow!  Maybe John's not as dumb as he looks... or sounds... or acts!  This is actually pretty good thinking in my opinion.
If the fans were smart they would of stuck together to target John.  They could of made a case that he can't be trusted due to his history of flipping.  I'm not saying it would of worked but it would of given them better odds than turning on each other.
However, we know Matt's fate is sealed when we see Corrine right before tribal talking about how she loves Matt and Michael and wants to vote out Julia because she hasn't said two words to her the whole time.  Don't feel bad Corrine, we audience members watching at home feel the exact same way.
To avoid being blindsided by an idol the "favorites" don't tell the fans who they're voting for.  So Julia votes for Dawn, bosom buddies vote for Julia and the "favorites" actually play it smart and all vote for Matt.  Good riddance I say.  Not since Coach has there been a player more full of shit than Matt and this is what he gets for constantly waffling.  He did it with the cool kids, then with his own alliance, and again over at Bikal. 
Pretty good episode all in all but again I would of liked to of heard more from Brenda.  If you go to the Survivor website at cbs.com you can see some pretty good confessionals by her, but you can't complain too much when you're able to get through and entire episode without being subjected to Dawn's famous crocodile tears!

Click HERE for a good confessional by Brenda.

NEXT WEEK ON SURVIVOR! Sherri will finally get to sit out a challenge and I'm guessing Julia is going to have to face the wraith of Phillip for going against the "favorites".  Malcolm's looking mighty cocky in the previews so could he be in danger?

Survivor Caramoan Episode 5 Recap: Lil Hantz Has BIG Meltdown!

What an episode!  Survivor has seen it's fair share of psychopathic meltdowns over the years.  Ghandia from Thailand, Fairplay from Pearl Islands, Shane from Exile Island, Dreamz from Figi, James from Heroes Vs Villains, Phillip from Redemption Island, Russell Swan from last seasons Phillipines, and this seasons Shamar.  Well a new member has joined this elite group and this one tops them all!  Who could it be you ask?  Hold on to your hats, but that person is..... drum roll..... CRAZY BRANDON HANTZ!
Now when he first appeared on Survivor, Crazy Brandon Hantz claimed he wanted to redeem the Hantz name after his uncle Russell brought complete disgrace to it over the course of three seasons of Survivor.  Well, after tonight's episode I think it's safe to say the whole world knows what Hantz's are really made of.  COMPLETE LUNATICS!  It also proves once and for all that anyone who admires anyone in this family must themselves have a couple screws loose.
After seeing last weeks preview watching this weeks episode was full of tension, just waiting to see Brandon snap, which has been building up since the first 10 minutes of the first episode.  At first he tells everyone that he wants out of the game because he misses his family and volunteers to be voted off next tribal council.  Then through an act of extreme maturity and wisdom, that those Hantz's are so famous for, he confesses his former desires to burn down the camp, and flavor the rice and beans with his urine.  He apologizes for this so I guess he's realized the errors of his ways.  Yeah right, and then monkey's will fly out of my butt.  I believe he did this thinking the tribe would embrace him for his honesty, another testament of Brandon's lunacy.  Of course it just scares the crap out of them and rightly so.  I'm sure the fact that Brandon has a knife in his hand during most of the episode doesn't help matters either.  Except for Andrea who allows Brandon to stick his face in her crotch after this, so you never know.
Before the next comercial break Brandon has already gone through a personality change and declares that he is going to start playing the game at an all new level.  He also promises us that we'll see the most intense Brandon Hantz ever.  This is not incorrect.
Both tribes meet at the reward challenge to compete for steaks and wine.  It's another good challenge that has two members of each tribe holding on to a rope connected to big hanging basket nets that the other tribe must fill with coconuts.  The last tribe to have their net still hanging wins.  The fans wisely include John so they can sit him out at the immunity challenge and sit out Erik, Andrea, and Dawn.  Brandon and Phillip are the "favorites" rope holders while bosom buddies Matt and Micheal hold for the fans.
During the challenge Phillip employs a pretty wild but effective strategy of distracting the fans with some kind of bizarre African tribal chants every time they attempt to shoot a basket.  However once again it's very close thanks once again in large part to Reynold.
Mr. Gung Ho intense playing Lil Hantz is the first one to let go of his ropes but Phillip continues to hang tough AND talk plenty of trash.  Even John manages to sink a few baskets and Matt is the next one to fall out of the challenge.  Guess all that ink covering Brandon and Matt's bodies has weakened their muscles because they're outlasted by a delusional dinosaur and a four eyed queen.
It's a nail biter with Phillip doing a lot of shaking, although he denies he's struggling when Probst makes that suggestion, but the redness in Micheal's face makes it obvious that the fans will lose another one.  Inevitably Micheal loses his grip and even with John participating and Laura not a factor, the fans still can't beat the "favorites".
Probst announces the "favorites" victory.  Reynold then pulls a Shamar, and doesn't realize that he's not a returning player.  He then proceeds to give his entire tribe victorious high fives.  Speaking of Shamar I have to say this is one challenge they could of really used his bulk on.  Had he still been in the game the fans would of surely of won this challenge.  Nothing seems to go right for the fans.
This just goes to show how valuable reward items can be to morale and team strength.  For crying out loud, the "favorites" have fucking John Cochran on their tribe!  But they can't lose because they have all the rewards so far which leads to a much better camp life.
At the fans camp everyone starts scrambling for the idol that was surely put back into circulation after Reynold played it last tribal council.  Do they even bother making clues anymore?  The majority alliance really wants to keep Reynold from getting his hands on it again.  Even Julia is searching for the idol.
During the search we find out that Micheal and Matt have become such great buddies that evidently Micheal has persuaded Matt into leaving the BMX bicycle business and join him in becoming an "event planner" because that's what Matt's occupation is listed as during his idol searching confessional.

Ultimately Reynold once again finds the idol.  Instead of using it for leverage he decides to keep it a secret to everyone except Eddie.  He suggests he may as well play them every time he goes to tribal since he's able to find them so easily.  I think this is a mistake.  If I were Reynold I would go to Matt and Micheal and try to work out a deal to form a new alliance.  Which, is what he should of done last week, and the week before with Laura.
It's amazing how clueless these alleged fans really are of the game. We are also finally given an indication of Sherri's aggressiveness that I reported last week when Eddie lets us know that she had been searching for the idol since day 1.  Micheal also discloses this so we now have solid proof that she hasn't been as covert as the editing has suggested.  To Eddie's delight he watches Sherri comb the beach feverishly in search of the idol that is already in Reynold's possession.
At the "favorites" camp Brandon starts getting really annoyed and jealous over all the credit Phillip is getting for winning the challenge.  He takes the first opportunity he can to pick a fight with Phillip and ends up telling him to "shut the fuck up".  It took a lot less then that from Steve on Redemption Island for Phillip to start talking about his Jit Kun Jo skills, but with Lil Hantz, Phillip backs down.  Poor Phillip.  It's not everyday he runs into somebody who is even more insane than he is.  I'm pretty sure a lot of cast members from Phillip's last season are enjoying seeing him get a taste of his own medicine.  Especially Ashley and Steve.
At the fans camp the rain is beating down on the them pretty hard.  Matt has apparently changed his mind about being an "event planner" and is back to selling BMX bikes.  They are absolutely miserable and praying for a miracle.  Well, good news fans, God is listening and has sent you a miracle in the form of Crazy Brandon Hantz!

Brandon goes through yet another personality challenge within this episode and starts regretting his outburst.  He apologizes to Phillip but Phillip can't let it go.  The tension continues to build until he starts to contemplate doing the same strategic move that Zapatera did so successfully against him and his tribe on RI and throw the challenge so he can get rid of Brandon.  I'm pretty sure that throwing a challenge isn't one of the BR rules.  If Phillip had actually learned from Boston Rob he would of done what Rob did with him and used Brandon as a goat to ride to the end.
Instead, Phillip expresses his desires of throwing the immunity challenge to his alleged ally Andrea.  Andrea however drops the dime on Phillip to Brandon.  At this point I'm fairly certain Andrea has the hots for Brandon.  She's sticking her crotch in his face, enlisting him into the alliance to oust Corrine, playing with her hair when he talks, and now she's trying her best to keep this clearly unstable individual in the game and I don't think she's trying to make Brandon her Phillip since she already has a Phillip.
So Brandon confronts Phillip yet again and this time Phillip pushes CBH over the edge.  Then in a meltdown of truly epic proportions CBH dumps out the camps rice and beans.  He then proudly proclaims that he's "the author of his own fate".  Quite a shift from his assertion on South Pacific that we puny humans have no free will and God is the author of all our fates.
I'm not surprised that Phillip runs away from this but I'm pretty disappointed in Malcolm.  I can't believe he just watched Brandon do all this.  Malcolm is like 6'3" and Brandon is like 5 foot nothing.  I was fully expecting Malcolm to either be absent during this meltdown or to break Brandon into a million fucking pieces after this.  But only skinny Erik has the balls to try to stop Brandon.
So now the whole camp is in complete shock and it's clear that this will be the last we ever see of Brandon with the possible exception of the reunion.  At this point everyone wants Brandon out and no tribe has every wanted to go to tribal so badly.  But the fireworks aren't over yet!

At the immunity challenge the "favorites" march in with disbelief still present all over their faces.  I would of loved to have been a fly on the Bikal flag as they were making the hike to the challenge area.  The two tribes take their places on the mats at which point Probst checks in with the two tribes.  Firstly we hear Reynold do a lot of whining about the conditions of their situation.  Then Brandon steps off his mat and offers some words of encouragement to the fans.  He lets them know he's their second chance.  Reynold asks what the hell he's talking about.  Then Corrine gives a speech she clearly spent hours preparing and announces that her tribe wants to give immunity to the fans.  The fans are shocked but clearly over joyed by this.
Brandon continues his journey into the abyss of total madness and continues ranting about Phillip.  Probst calls Brandon over to him before things get out of control.  He tries to calm Brandon down but is unsuccessful.  He and Phillip exchange heated words and Brenda makes the extremely astute observation that Brandon's having a "meltdown".  No shit Sherlock.  I love you Brenda but I would of thought that that would of been obvious after Brandon dumped out your entire food supply.  Then Andrea starts crying over the whole situation.  Yeah, she definitely wants Brandon's dick.  Why do so many cute young girls always drool over the bad boy?
Brandon tells Probst he'll do him the extremely generous gesture of remaining non violent for him but when Phillip talks about Brandon disrespecting his elders and brings up his family Brandon really starts to huff and puff.  "Bring my kids into this and I'll come over their and knock your fucking head off!" he says.
In Brandon's defense I have to say that Brandon did not say anything disrespectful to his uncle at the reunion like Phillip accuses him of doing.  Also Phillip really shouldn't be throwing rocks in glass houses.  He's the one that bullied and scared the shit out of the cute little girls on his tribe the last time he played.  Also Brandon DID try to apologize to Phillip, so Phillip certainly isn't completely innocent in this whole mess.
I think it's around this point that Probst starts to administer an intense back massage to Brandon.  Soon after this we see a survivor first, when Probst announces that they will be holding tribal council immediately at the challenge site!  He instructs Erik to hand over the idol to the fans which they gladly take.  At which point Reynold makes the ridiculous request for Probst to throw up his hands and proclaim the fans victorious.  Probst has a dumbfounded look on his face from such an inappropriate request but tells him he'll do it on their way out, which he never does.
Still massaging Brandon's shoulders Probst calls for a vote starting with Brandon who predictably shouts out Phillips name.  He then goes through the "favorites" one by one asking for their votes and they also predictably all vote for Crazy Brandon Hants.  Probst finally stops massaging Brandon and instructs him to walk to the back of the challenge and cool down.  Brandon takes one more shot at Phillip on his way out and calls him a bitch.  He also tells the fans to kick the "favorites" asses.  In this reporters opinion this is a true case of human garbage.  Good riddance I say.  I really hope this is last we'll see of the Hantz's on Survivor but deep down inside I know that the producer's are loving this little episode and I have to admit it did make for some pretty good tv.  Another good thing about this episode is that we were not subjected to a single confessional from the demented mind of John Cochran.
I do have to say, if I were one of the favorites I would demand that the producers replace the rice this psycho destroyed.  I would tell them if they did not replace it I would quit the game and sue CBS because they should of never allowed such a psychopath on the island.  Anyone who watched South Pacific knows Brandon wasn't playing with a full deck.

UPDATE:
I heard in an interview that Brandon is very proud of his behavior on this weeks episode.  I also hear that at the rip old age of 22 he's expecting his THIRD child!  Also, he said that Uncle Russel was never prouder than he was after this weeks episode.  I think that just about makes it official that that family is completely INSANE!
NEXT WEEK ON SURVIVOR! Looks like it's time for a tribal shuffle and/or a double tribal council.  Will Reynold use his idol effectively this time?  Doubtful, but only time will tell!

Survivor Meets The Biggest Loser!

This season has seen one of the biggest contestants in Survivor history, that being the humongous Shamar!  Shamar's presence in the game has caused a lot of controversy.  One in paticular is his massive size and the debate on weather it was an asset or liability.  Shamar claims it was a huge hindrance because his portions of rice were much smaller in proportion to his big frame compared to say Laura.  He even went so far as to refuse to get up out of the shelter at meal time and demanded his share be brought to him because he was so exhausted.
I was listening to a podcast Dalton Ross did with Shamar and although he's not big fan of Shamar Ross seemed to side with him on this point.  He argued that if you're as big as Shamar you're going to need more nourishment to fuel your huge body.  While that kind of makes sense I think Shamar's huge reserves of body fat were much more of an asset.  Who can forget fat ass Richard Hatch bragging how he wasn't even hungry in All Stars compared to the skinny people who he predicted would be dropping like flies from hunger.  I personally feel Shamar was just a big baby.
That's why I think we should settle this once an for all by crossing Survivor with The Biggest Loser!  We've seen seasons of men vs women, young vs old, even racially segregated tribes!  So I think it's time we have a season with one tribe of thin people vs another tribe of really fat people.  I think the thin people might do well at first but after a couple days of not eating I think the fat tribe would really start to dominate from being able to live off of their own body fat. 

Survivor Caramoan 26e04: Survivor: The Sitcom!

Pop quiz hotshot!  What's the funniest show on CBS?  Two and a Half Men?  Mike and Molly?  Two Broke Girls?  Well this week the funniest show happens to be Survivor which had plenty of comic relief thanks in large part to screwballs like Phillip and Shamar.
The episode starts off with Eddy losing it from his frustration of the fans performance.  He gets in Sherri's face who bites right back.  Eddy then warns them they won't win any challenges if he and Reynold are voted off.  This to me this is not a very good argument and a sign of Eddy's immaturity.  As Micheal states, they haven't been winning challenges with them.  Also, the merge typically comes after 6 immunity challenges.  There have already been 3 which means there are in all likelihood only 3 left, which means there would only be at the most 1 left before the merge if they were to vote off Eddy and Reynold.  So if they can't help them win within the next 3 times what good are they?
You may be saying to yourselves that the pretty people did this to themselves with their own stupidity of trying to be a dominating alliance of four within a tribe of ten, but I've learned from post game interviews that looks can be deceiving.  It turns out that Matt was initially in their alliance but flipped over before they went to tribal the first time.
At the "favorites" camp Phillip continues to strategize taking a page out of Napoleon Bonaparte's playbook.  Now in a tribe of 9 most people would be happy with a 5 or even 6 person alliance.  But "The Specialiast"?  Is he happy with 6, or 7? Or 8?  No siree, he decides he needs an alliance of 9 within a tribe of 9!  Phillip does what no other person in Survivor history has ever done.  He makes an alliance with everybody AND lets everyone know it!
First he promotes Crazy Brandon Hantz and dubs him "The Conqueror"!  He then goes to Erik and gives him the very flattering title of "The Silent One"!  This really annoys Andrea who complains that Phillip has recruited everyone into Stealth R Us except for Brenda.  Then moments later Phillip does just that and enlists Brenda dubbing her "Serenity"!  So I guess the next time they go to tribal council they're all going to have to vote for Francesca again!
Now it's time to go to the reward/immunity challenge!  Wait!  What?  THEY'RE ACTUALLY HAVING A REWARD CHALLENGE THAT'S COMPLETELY SEPARATE FROM THE IMMUNITY CHALLENGE?!  Well bless my soul, two challenges in one episode!?  I never thought I'd see the day again!
The challenge is a great old classic too!  They must maneuver two tribe mates across the water with them stepping on small planks that are held by other tribe members until they reach a certain platform that they must all climb over to get to ANOTHER platform and all eight members must fixate themselves on or above the platform.  The fans move Julia? and Laura while the "favorites" move Andrea and Brenda.  It's always nice to see her sexy bod featured in a challenge.

Like every other challenge this season it's neck and neck the entire time.  To my surprise Shamar actually volunteers the unselfish move of kneeling on the platform and letting everyone climb on top of him.  It comes down to Corrine and Matt and once again the "favorites" are victorious by a nose.  At which point Probst announces "Favorites win reward!"
Unfortunately Shamar forgets that he's not a returning player and bellows a victorious roar of "that's what I'm talking about!"  After Shamar is given the bad news that he's a "FAN" and not a "FAVORITE" Phillip starts mocking Shamar and roaring "That's what WE'RE talking about!"
Who knows?  Maybe there actually is some method to Phillip's madness and uniting the tribe by giving them all code-names is actually making them stronger in challenges.  Then again, maybe the fans just suck.
The reward is a visit from a local pigmee named TaTa who shows the tribe the most efficient ways to maximize the benefits of their camp environment.  John gets jealous by all the attention the girls give TaTa and contemplates how if he were to display as much PDA with the girls he would be seen as some creepy weirdo.  Sorry to break the news to you John but that evaluation was made long ago on South Pacific when you talked about things like prank calling girls offering your semen and crapping your pants in school.
The comic relief isn't over yet.  Back at the fans tribe Shamar announces that the price of him not quitting is being waited on at meal time, because it's way too inconvenient for him to get off his ass and walk 10 feet over to the cooking pot to get his share.  To my shock the tribe agrees, albeit very reluctantly.  I've never seen anything like this on Survivor!  Makes me sick to my stomach actually.  I've been dying to be on this show for over 10 years, I've applied twice, yet they put some infantile jar head on, who blackmails his tribe into waiting on him.  How disgraceful!  Then next thing you know he'll be demanding a piss pot for Sherri to hold so he doesn't have to make the trip to the bushes.
Well the tribe may be willing to put up with Shamar's crap but the gods of karma have other ideas.  THEY have had it with Shamar and while he's relaxing in the shelter something gets in his eye that causes an injury.  I don't see anyone offer to wash it out with some water and it just keeps getting worse.  Medical is called in and it turns out Shamar's not being such a big baby this time.  It is a serious injury and they pull him from the game to get treatment.  The tribe tries to be polite and look sorry he's leaving, even Reynold, but we all know that no one is going to miss his personality, myself included.
At the beginning of the immunity challenge Probst tells the "favorites" to take a look at the new fan tribe.  Alleged survivor superfan Dawn is shocked and can't figure out how that can be.  She's such a big fan of the show she doesn't know that the possibility of people being medically pulled or quitting exists within the game of Survivor. 
Unlike the last challenge this one is NOT neck and neck.  Even with John participating the fans get lapped by the "favorites" during the first leg of the challenge although John isn't involved in that section.  All he has to do is use the keys that five others retrieved from the water, to open a chest full of balls that Phillip must use to knock over a bunch of blocks on a ledge.  Phillip does a good job but Reynold does even better when he finally gets his ahem, balls.  At this point it does become very close but Phillip manages to just barely finish ahead of Reynold.  So Stealth R Us has prevailed once again and the fans have lost their fourth challenge in a row!
Even though Eddy and Reynold are on the outs Matt is fed up with Laura's poor performance at the challenges and makes a plea to get rid of her.  Sherri certainly doesn't like this because she knows she could be the next target if they're trying to weed out the weak.  Reynold also isn't sure if he can trust Matt.  Micheal is also on the fence.  If I were Reynold and Eddy I would be going to Micheal and Matt and just offer them a new permanent alliance with them.  Which is what they should of done with Laura and Julia? last week.  Reynold has an idle, their tribal configuration isn't working at all for them so it shouldn't be that hard to get them to flip.
In the end everyone turns on Laura, even Sherri.  They don't let Reynold know this so he plays his idol to be safe.  Obviously this was a bad move, but I think it was bad for more reasons then Reynold's little brain could even contemplate.  While you could make the argument that Reynold found the first idol pretty easily and he could probably find another one, he is such a great asset at challenges that I don't think the tribe would of ever of voted him off before Eddy.
So now it looks like Sherri is in hot water if they lose again.  While it may appear that she's been covertly controlling the tribe, I've learned from post game interviews that this was not the case.  Apparently as soon as the got to the camp sight Sherri went running around to every person on the tribe and started talking strategy and it didn't go unnoticed.  So she's got a lot of tap dancing to do if she's going to make it to the merge.

NEXT WEEK ON SURVIVOR!  Ok, I called it wrong last week, but with Shamar and Laura gone the Fans WILL win a challenge and Brandon truly earns the name "Crazy Brandon Hantz"!