Survivor Caramoan 26e03: Survivor Tougher Than Iraq?

I knew Survivor was tough but could it actually be tougher then being deployed in Iraq where you're constantly being shot at?  Apparently that's what two time Iraq war veteran Shamar thinks, because after 6 whole days in the game of Survivor he came really close to quitting this week.  This is really hard for me to comprehend being a veteran of the Navy who's basic training is a month less and I'm sure much easier then Marine basic training.  Still Navy basic training is no joke, especially when you do it in Great Lakes during the dead of winter and I have to confess that I came REALLY close to quitting during my two months.  I've always thought to myself that I could never handle an extra month of that shit, and therefore would probably never be able to make it through Marine boot camp like Shamar did.  On the other hand I also have no doubt in my mind that I could handle 39 days of Survivor.  I don't know what's up with Shamar who's a hell of lot bigger and stronger then I am.  Maybe it's just a lot easier for him to shoot someone then it is to vote someone out.   
The episode starts off with the fans coming back from tribal and Shamar having a huge backlash for seeing his name written down.  He goes off on just about everyone, even though 5 out of his 8 remaining tribe mates didn't vote for him.  
Shamar's obviously has been through a lot of shit in his life that have seriously fucked up his head.  I'm guessing it didn't start in the military either.  He talks about quitting before he becomes the "angry black man".  Well if Shamar yelling at the top of his lungs at everyone in sight is what he's like when he's in a good mood, I'd hate to see what he's like when he's really angry.
Before his big announcement, Sherri, who desperately wants to keep Shamar around to keep the heat off of her, had a pow wow with him to try to get him to relax.  Amazingly, Shamar is completely oblivious to his negative impact on the tribe. The conversation reminded me of the one Amanda had with James in Heroes Vs Villains where she tried to explain to James it might not be a good idea to eat 10 times as much food as the rest of the tribe combined, and James was like, "I don't eat that much".
In the end, after a lot of convincing by Sherri, he didn't quit, much to Reynold's dismay, and he manages to try to make himself look like a hero for not quitting.  Pretty lame if you ask me.  As Reynold said, here he is, given the chance to play a game that 50,000 people, myself included, would line up for days to have the chance to play and he's ready to throw in the towel because his "happiness isn't worth not quitting".  Which is pretty I wonder who it was that told him that Survivor was going to be one big picnic.
Over at the "favorites" camp an alliance is brewing between Malcolm and Corrine and another one is brewing AGAINST Corrine.  Andrea becomes threatened by Corrine because she doesn't like her talking to less then 6 people at a time.  So she starts planning her exit.  Looks like Phillip isn't the only one be possessed by Boston Rob.  She recruits Crazy Brandon Hantz in this endeavor.  A good thing too because Brandon is plotting on peeing on the camp beans if he feels he's on the chopping block.  So I guess Crazy Brandon Hantz only cares about redeeming the Hantz family name when isn't in danger of being voted out.  
Meanwhile, Malcolm and Corrine decide to go idol hunting and once again Malcolm hits the jackpot!  He finds the idol at which point, both he and Corrine do a big celebration dance and then decide to keep it to themselves for now.  I like Malcolm and hope he can do a repeat of last season and make it to the end.  However, the fact that we haven't seen much of Malcolm might hint against that.
We also get to see Former Special Agent Phillip displaying more delusions of grandeur.  Sitting on rock by himself he starts telling stories of out basketball playing guys half his age and twice his height.  It's almost as if Coach got a really dark tan and snuck back on the show.  Doesn't seem to be really germain to the story but it's a nice bit of comic relief. 
And what episode would be complete without an extra long confessional full of pearls of wisdom by the demented mind of John Cochran?  For some reason the producer's really love this geek and try to shine the spot light as much as possible.  I don't get it.  Judging by this season's ratings, neither do the majority of America.
Even last weeks ouster Allie said in her post game interviews that this group of "favorites" were definitely not true favorites.  I don't think that remark came from sour grapes either.  It's almost as though the casting department believes it's better to have bad players on the show.  I still love Survivor but not as much as I used to.  It's lost a lot of magic by continuously casting such lame characters such as John, Brandon, Phillip etc, etc and then bringing them back again and again.  Makes me wonder how Malcolm ever made it on the show.
I also learned that Reynold told Allie he had the idol and she told him that Sherri told her she was voting for her.  So apparently he did have a good idea which way the vote was going to go down last week.  His not giving the idol to Allie show a lot of cowardliness and stupidity on his part.  By him not doing that he gave the other alliance the power to now split the vote against his alliance.  Now he has to hope for a miracle if they lose the immunity challenge.
Speaking of which, after carrying their dysfunction from camp life over to the challenge the fans once again get defeated by the "favorites".  The "favorites" are a pretty lame bunch with players.  Even with the advantage of having all the reward items the contest is very close.  Maybe if Erik would spend more time focusing on the challenge and less time grabbing Phillips ass they would of won by wider margin.  Still, with Lauren swimming in the wrong direction, and Shamar and Reynold fighting for the goggles, the "favorites" manage to barely win.  Once again the challenge is also for reward so the "favorites" increase their advantage of a better camp life.  The fans have yet to win any rewards.  Of course I haven't seen the "favorites" catch one fish with the gear they won last week.
Back at fans camp Shamar wastes no time causing a commotion.  He even goes so far as to ban Reynold and Eddie from speaking to him.  Didn't Randy do that in Gabon?  Of course it's ok for Shamar to yell at them all he wants to.  I do have to say I can understand Shamar's frustration at Reynold for hogging the goggles when Shamar clearly stated during the challenge that he needed them due to the fact that he was wearing contacts.  Then again, I don't know what someone is doing wearing contacts while being stranded on a desert island.  I didn't even know you could wear contacts for 39 days but it's been awhile since I had to wear those damn things.      
Well, seeing how Shamar hates everyone accept for Sherri and everyone but Sherri hates him, and the fact that Shamar was ready to quit just 5 minutes ago, this should be an easy vote, right?  Wrong!
Sherri isn't giving up her Phillip just yet and convinces everyone to split the vote against Eddie and Hope, with plans to vote out Hope at the revote, in effort to keep the tribe stronger in challenges by keeping Eddie and Reynold but still weakening their opposition.  But all is not lost for Hope quite yet.  Shamar advises Hope to vote for Eddie to save herself.  He tries to make it look like he's doing it as a favor to Hope, but my personal feeling is he didn't want to have a three way tie that involved his name being written down.  Guess he got his second wind and is ready to tough it out at the moment.
To her credit, Hope does not turn on her alliance, and instead drops the dime on Shamar.  This makes the rest of the tribe very nervous, especially Julia and Lauren.  There appears to be a plan for Julia and Lauren to jump over to the pretty people and vote out Shamar.  But when they head to tribal with plenty of time left in the episode a revote seems much more likely, and that's exactly what happens.  Another hottie bites the dust early in the season when Hope gets votes out and the fans seem to be on the verge of a complete implosion.
How did this happen?  Why would they keep Shamar?  My theory is that Sherri must of found out about the danger he was in and then did a lot tap dancing to save him that we weren't privy to seeing.
Regardless I'm pretty sure Shamar's days are numbered.  I know Phillip pulled off a pretty amazing move to make it to the end with similar behavior but at least Phillip never talked about quitting.  I just don't think Shamar has it in him to go the distance.  Of course at this point Sherri seems to be the only fan who does have the ability to go all the way.  Even Reynold probably won't last long.
It's hard to tell who the bigger group of idiots are between the fans and the "favorites" but at this point the "favorites" seem to have a big advantage.

NEXT WEEK ON SURVIVOR: Well the previews show the fans getting bombarded by massive storm.  Since the previews always try to fool you I'm guessing that the fans manage to pull out a W at the immunity challenge.  Will Malcolm use his idol?  Doubtful, but should be an interesting episode.  I'm sure it will be the last one before a tribal shuffle.

Survivor Caramoan S26E02: Phillips Big Brother on the Fans Team?

Last week I reported that Phillip's insanity schtick might NOT be an act of a plant by producers because Francesca was voted out first for a second time and I didn't think the producers would ever want that to happen.  Then I read an interview with Probst where he revealed that a part of him was actually glad Francesca got voted off twice again because it made for a great Survivor moment.  So now I have to go back to my original hypothesis that Phillip is indeed working for the producers.
This is further proof of what retards the casting department is on Survivor.  They have chosen to cast a chick who gets voted out first twice in a row!  Obviously they don't have a good sense at all of who will make good contestants.  I guess I should feel glad that I've applied twice and never even gotten an interview if their idea of a good player is someone who gets voted out twice.
Also last weeks premier was the lowest rated ever!  Down a whopping 23% from the premier of One World which had the dumbest cast in Survivor history, but DIDN'T have returning players.  Now I love to see returning players every now and then but I think the rest of the audience like myself are starting to get really sick of it.  Unfortunately judging by some of Probst's comments they're planning on bringing returning players back for season's 27 and 28.  Bad move if you ask me with season 30 right around the corner and great opportunity for another All Stars edition.
Anyway in the beginning of this episode we see Crazy Brandon Hantz starting to channel his uncle's spirit when he realizes he's not safe like he was in South Pacific.  Then the next day we see him acting all remorseful.  John makes a good observation on this by comparing Crazy Brandon Hantz to a murdering psycho.  For once me and John actually agree on something.
We also see Dawn crying her eyes out, acting all innocent and vulnerable.  I came very close to throwing up upon seeing this.  Dawn is such a big phoney.  We saw her doing this same shit in SP before planning to blindside Ozzy, who did nothing but protect and support Dawn.  Mark my words, Dawn is one of the most ruthless players in Survivor history.  Probably the only player more phoney then her is Coach.
At the fans camp we see big ole Shamar annoying more people then Phillip Shepherd and like in Redemption Island we hear a lot people talking about being so anxious to vote him out.  This tells us two things.  The fans are gonna lose the immunity challenge this episode and Shamar will be safe as a kitten when it comes time to vote.  There is some foreshadowing of this when we see Shari talking about protecting Shamar because she wants him to be her Phillip and use him to coast into the finals ala Boston Rob.
At the next challenge which again is a dreaded reward/immunity combo, which I am so sick of, we see a big reaction from the fans upon seeing the new "favorites" tribe.  Micheal acknowledges how vicious it was of them to vote out Fran first again but I would of liked to of seen him take it further and call them out for not voting out John.  I would of loved to of seen a fan say, "It's pretty cold of them to vote out Francesca but it's also really good for us.  She was a strong player and I see a guy over there that looks like he's about he's die.  Hopefully they'll be stupid enough to keep him around until the merge."  Of course as much as I myself would of liked to of said this, if I had been on the Fans tribe I probably wouldn't of because I wouldn't want to give any kind of help to the "favorites".
Still Francesca got what she deserved.  Not only is she a scumsucking lawyer she's a FEMALE scumsucking lawyer that obviously can't be trusted for that very reason.  When I get on Survivor the first people I'm going after are lawyers and cops.  You need people around that you can trust.  However I also think John should of went before Francesca.  I mean he is another lawyer and he's also the biggest weasel in Survivor history.  Not to mention he sucks at challenges.  Which, as I reported last week, may be what's saving him.  These "favorites" probably don't perceive him as a threat because of that. 
Despite the presence of John on the "favorites" tribe the fans manage to completely fuck up the first part of the challenge.  So when it comes time for another showdown between Malcolm and Reynold in the ring tossing section there isn't enough time for the fans to comeback.  Although when Reynold does start to creep up on Malcolm's lead he wisely switches out and lets Phillip toss the rings.  So the "favorites" win immunity and fishing gear.
Apparently the editors didn't feel there was enough rope a dope going on in the first half of the episode so immediately after the challenge we see Reynold revealing that Shamar is the "obvious choice" to go home that night.
At the "favorites" camp Philip continues to strategize despite not having tribal council that night.  He enlists Malcolm into Stealth R Us and dubs him the "Enforcer".  Malcolm plays along to Phillips face but is rolling his eyes behind Phillips back.  So here's a run down on this seasons members of Stealth R Us.  Besides the "Enforcer", John is the "Intelligence", Andrea is the "Eliminator", Corrine is the "Dominatrex" and Dawn is "True Grit"!
At the fans camp Shamar waist no time in causing more chaos when he and Reynold get into it.  The pretty people are dying to vote him out but still don't realize they don't have the numbers.  However, Reynold succeeds in finding the hidden immunity idol with very little effort.  Unfortunately for him Lauren is quick to figure this out when she sees it bulging out of his pants, but doesn't have time to inform everyone at camp so she does so at tribal council.
Reynold admits it and pulls a Colton and Malcolm and bluffs that he's going to use it.  Unfortunately things don't go as well for Reynold and he loses his biggest ally Allie.  I think a better bluff for Reynold would of been to say, "We have a good idea who most of you are voting for tonight, so I'm playing this tonight for that person, and we're actually splitting our votes between Shamar and guy who said he was with us (tattoo long beard guy) to test his loyalty.  So if you guys don't vote for Shamar one you is in for a big surprise tonight."  Then don't split the vote and then hopefully at least tattoo guy would vote for Shamar and maybe Micheal would have too.
Now Reynold pretty much has to use the idol the next time he goes to tribal unless there's a tribal shuffle that helps him before then.  As it is, his alliance is now out numbered 2 to 1 and the six can easily split their vote to get rid of one of the other pretty people.

NEXT WEEK ON SURVIVOR! The fans are in dire straits with their division in the tribe and the "favorites" having all the reward items.  The one thing the fans have going for them is that the "favorites" still have weasel John and Crazy Brandon Hantz on their tribe.

Survivor Caramoan Episode 1: Phillip ACTUALLY Crazy??

Could Phillip REALLY be this crazy?  Could it actually be that his insanity isn't an act?!  When I first watched him on Redemption Island I quickly became convinced that he was a plant by the producers to secretly help whichever returning player he ended up being tribe mates with.  I couldn't believe that the producers would ever put someone that crazy on the show who wasn't related to Russell Hantz.  Especially after the finale when he told almost all the jury members to kiss his ass.  But after watching last nights episode I'm not so sure.  The idea of bringing a plant back as a returning player isn't that far fetched at all, but directing that plant to make sure that Fracesca get's voted off first again IS pretty far fetched.  I can't believe any of the producers wanted to see that happen.
This will probably be the last time they're stupid enough to ask someone back who was voted out first.  Like the old saying goes, "those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it."  I'm guessing they just liked having two black players who hated each other.  That's very rare on Survivor.  It wasn't until the fifth season that a black player cast a vote against another black player.  That player being the enormously annoying and insane Ghandia.  I'm sure Phillip and her would of gotten along pretty well though, because they're clearly both nuts.  Of course, as far as I'm concerned Phillip should of never been brought back.
I understand they did ask BIMBO to come back and she declined.  Thank God.  As much as I hate seeing Francesca back, I will take her coming back over BIMBO any day of the week, and twice on Sunday.  Probably the only players I would hate to see come back more then BIMBO is Russell Hantz and Coach.
Not that the other Favorites are much better.  It's a huge dream of mine to play on Survivor but I'm kind of glad I didn't play this season.  I can just imagine Probst asking me on hour 1 what I think of the returning players.  I don't think I could manage to resist saying something like "I can't say I'm too impressed.  I see about two or three good players over there.  Then I see two idiots who were stupid enough to give up immunity, a guy who is either a plant by producers or completely nuts, another guy who thinks you can win the game by stabbing most of the jury in the back, and a dike who was stupid enough to get voted off first." Then when the inevitable tribal shuffle occurred I would of had some major tap dancing to do.
If I ever do play Survivor I think I'm going to have to seriously consider giving up immunity at some point though. That seems to be a sure fire way of getting asked to play again.  Every person who's ever given up immunity has been asked to return.  Unless you count Burton who gave one of his TWO immunity necklaces to Rupert.
After introductions are made they start right off with a challenge.  Amazingly the "favorites" kick the fans asses.  Less then 15 minutes into the episode Brandon is already showing signs of losing it.  Warning...Warning... you have 10 episodes to evacuate the island before Brandon reaches critical nuclear mass destruction!  Judging by the previews for next week I may be being too generous with 10 episodes.  But it's actually fan Shamar that sets the record for getting on Probst's bad side when he advises Sherry to break Brenda's wrist.  You can tell Probst is just itching to get him to tribal council after that one.  Wasn't there a black girl named Shamar who got voted out first a few seasons ago?  Of course this Shamar doesn't look anything like her!  This guy has got to be the heaviest player in Survivor history.  He has to equal about two Richard Hatch's.

So luckily for the "favorites" the fans aren't much better.  Within a couple hours they are bickering and squabbling, mostly due to Shamar's impatience.  He wants everyone to stop working on the shelter and try to build a fire.  No doubt, fire is important on Survivor but I think if I was there, my priority would be shelter.  Especially if most of the tribe is already working on it.  Obviously Shamar isn't a big enough fan to know that you aren't supposed to rock the boat on day 1.  I do have to give him props for getting the fire going without flint.  Of course they used the same technique developed by Survivor legend Boston Rob.
As far as alliances go, two of the pretty boys and their main squeezes form an alliance and dub themselves the "cool group".  They fail to realize that in a tribe of 10 an alliance of 4 has about as much chance as John Cochoran in a duel against Ozzy.  
Meanwhile, at the "favorites" camp, Francesca is desperately trying to do everything she can not to be the first one voted off.  During a private interview she picks up a small rock and declares that she will eat the rock if she's the first one voted off again.  She even tries to make up with Phillip, who has absolutely no interest in accepting her olive branch.
John on the other hand is desperately trying to avoid being sunburned to death.  By the end of the second day he is red as a lobster and in serious pain.  I know a couple players from South Pacific that are really enjoying this.
Although this is a really lame group of "all-stars" but I have to say I'm really digging Brenda's enthusiasm.  I don't think I have ever seen anyone so excited to play the game of Survivor.  During the whole episode she has a huge smile on her gorgeous kisser and is exploding with energy during the challenges.  Especially when she got off the helicopter and on the mat in the beginning.  She's one of the few reasons to have any kind of excitement about the rest of the season.
At the immunity challenge the "favorites" take a huge lead but end up blowing it during the second part of the challenge where Reynold gets revenge on Malcolm, who scored the winning point on the opening challenge.
Remarkably no one is shown searching for an idol.  That's not to say it didn't happen but it's left out for some reason.  This episode was originally supposed to be two hours long.  There was even a video clip on the Survivor website advertising this last month, but for some reason it got shortened to 90 minutes.  Maybe that's what they cut out.  Still the last minute editing shows and it's not a very exciting episode.  The immunity challenge in particular seemed very flat.  Dawn doing her typical impression of turtle by sticking her neck and head as far forward as humanly possible doesn't make it any prettier.
After the challenge Survivor genius Francesca gets the bright idea of targeting everyone in her alliance.  First she goes after Phillip then Andrea.  Andrea gets wind of this and suggests going after Francesca, which Phillip is only too happy to do.
At tribal we learn that Phillip can in fact pronounce Francesca's name properly and always could, which I kind of always suspected.  Still the tension continues to thicken between the two of them.  When he goes to vote he stomps past her like a child giving a clear indication of who he's voting for.
As I said earlier, those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it, and Francesca makes a strong indication of just how retarded the casting department of survivor is by getting voted out first again!  Hope you're hungry Francesca.  Time for a hearty helping of rock stew!  Can't wait to see you at the reunion with all your teeth missing!
Can't say I'm sorry to see Frannie go, but I'm amazed no one went after John.  The guy is obviously untrustworthy, sucks at challenges, and is suffering from a severe case of sunburn.  Maybe that's what saved him.  Maybe they figure he can't cause any mischief while he's in so much pain.  I think that could turn out to be a fatal error for the "favorites".
Judging by the vote Brandon, Brenda, and Erik are on the outside.  How will Crazy Brandon Hantz react to this?  Well....

NEXT WEEK ON SURVIVOR! Crazy Brandon Hantz starts to panic when he realizes he's on the outside and his true nature quickly emerges.